Well I've got good news and bad news.
First, the bad news. It turns out, that the first handful of bars provided nothing real interesting. Unless you enjoy watching relatively sober people quickly chug a beer before heading to the next bar. So I pretty much scrapped any ideas of posting that footage because it's pretty terrible and worthless.
Now the good news. I did eventually get some footage that's pure gold. Apparently shit doesn't start getting crazy enough until after the 8th inning. That footage, my dear readers, you will get to see.
So here's a basic bar-by-bar recap of what transpired, with the few amazing video clips I got added in.
Pre-Crawl: Lucky's Sandwich Shop
Standard meeting place every year. The plan is to fill up on one of their giant sandwiches to give yourself a solid base before the marathon of boozery begins. This may draw the ire of some folks, but can I just say, on the whole I find Lucky's sandwiches to be woefully overrated. Are they decent? Yes. But holy shit, can we take a knee with the fries and cole slaw on top? They make up 75% of the god damn sandwich. I'll happily take both items as sides with my normal sized sandwich thank you. It's disappointing when several bites turn out to be nothing but a french fry and cole slaw sandwich.
Classic Pub Crawl moment. It never fails that at least one bar won't be open for us when we get there. Rebel turned out to be a decent Plan B mainly for its proximity. I drank a Bud Light then I left. That's about all I can say here.
2nd Inning: The Stretch
Always a nice place with good staff. I avoided the wait for a beer and instead bought one from WAIW's Steve's bucket. Fellow TMS Bartender White Chili retells us his story about the time he stole someone's birthday cake from this place.
...on the way to Merkle's, WAIW John (aka Muldoon) offers some solid advice.
(This is the only worthwhile thing I filmed for 8 innings)
3rd Inning: Merkle's
Oh Merkle's. Home to so many terrible drunk moments I either don't or rather choose not to remember. After drinking two pee water Bud Lights I was ready to strap on a real beer so I went with the Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA. It was nice to finally have a beer that tasted like something. Not much else happened. They have Colonel Sanders statue at the entrance. I have no idea why.
4th Inning: Mullen's
Got an Old Style here. Spent a good chunk of time talking with Corey from Ivy Envy about how to podcast. Most of this conversation has now been lost in a booze-induced fog. I think you gotta record some shit and then put it on the web and... damn. I need to talk to Corey when I'm not drinking.
5th Inning: Sluggers
Like a dumb kid, every time I forego any beer and immediately run upstairs to the batting cages, where I then flail wildly at pitches and see how fast I can give myself blisters from the shitty bats with no gripping on them.
In a strange twist of irony the Captain Morgan Club was close yet The Dugout was open. We must've gotten lucky and got there during one of the 4 hours a week they're open. Two years ago The Dugout was supposed to be a 7th inning stop but wound up being closed, therefore we spent an extra inning at Captain Morgan's instead.
7th Inning: Sports Corner
I never went to the old Sports Corner but the new incarnation is quite nice looking. Drank some High Life and played foosball. A few folks learned two things by being my teammate. 1) I'm fucking terrible at foosball. 2) I'll cheat like a motherfucker. I'm honestly kind of surprised I've never been punched while playing.
8th Inning: Murphy's
OK, now things start taking a turn. And the one firmly grabbing the wheel and veering us towards certain doom, is our good friend Malört. I do believe I had two shots of the stuff while there. Possibly three? It's not that important. What is important is that said Malört consumption then led to this.
After touching the Wrigley Field wall (and Mr. Funk apparently making out with it?), I decide to sprint like a drunken ass down the sidewalk to some folks up ahead. One of which, is our good friend, Mr. John Carruthers. As you can hear in the video as I reach them, John shouts "KARATE KICK!" followed by an audible "thunk" sound and then me making a grunting sound. The "thunk" would be John's foot landing squarely in my stomach. It knocked the wind out of me and I completely biffed on the sidewalk. Impressively though, I maneuvered to protect my iPhone. Aside from a few scrapes I was fine, and once I was able to breathe again I couldn't stop laughing.
9th Inning: Bernie's
We made it! Mostly unscathed. Once I got a beer and sat down I was able to have a word with John asking him to explain what just happened.
Cool story bro!
A little bit later I got some classic footage of a Pub Crawler passed out at the bar.
Ah yes. The official bar of Thunder Matt's Saloon. Had some PBR, did some more shots of Malört, and tried to make friends with an old Puerto Rican dude who was a marine in 'Nam. Pretty sure he was ready to stab me when I left. Oh, and I also made this disturbing discovery. Let me also say that I was pretty much shit-rocked at this point.
Thankfully I wound up not having AIDS. Mr. Funk and I later adjourned and went to the Double Door that night where we saw Electric Six, who managed to render me deaf for at least two days after.
And that's it. Fun times had by all. Oh and the Cubs lost the game too. I guess we were following that supposedly. I can't wait for next year's pub crawl. Hopefully I remember to not go in to John's dojo, WHERE KICK, MEETS CHEST!!!