TMS MLB Preview 2009: Boston Red Sox

March 26, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Governor X


SO LONG: P Paul Byrd, 1B Sean Casey, C Kevin Cash, P Bartolo Colon, SS Alex Cora, OF Coco Crisp, C David Ross, P Curt Schilling, P Mike Timlin

WELCOME: OF Rocco Baldelli, P Brad Penny, P Ramon Ramirez, P Takashi Saito, P John Smoltz, OF Brad Wilkerson

1. Jacoby Ellsbury CF
2. Dustin Pedroia 2B
3. David Ortiz DH
4. Kevin Youkilis 1B
5. Jason Bay LF
6. J.D. Drew RF
7. Mike Lowell 3B
8. Jason Varitek C
9. Julio Lugo SS

Starting Rotation: Josh Beckett, Jon Lester, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Tim Wakefield, Brad Penny
Setup: Hideki Okajima, Manny Delcarmen
Closer: Jonathan Papelbon

Will, who at this point has migrated to Chuckie's side and is
completely fed-up, includes himself in the conversation.

WILL - Of course that's your contention. You're a first year grad student. You just finished some Marxian historian, Pete Garrison prob'ly, and so naturally that's what you believe until next month when you get to James Lemon and get convinced that Virginia and Pennsylvania were strongly entrepreneurial and capitalist back in 1740. That'll last until sometime in your second year, then you'll be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood about the Pre-revolutionary utopia and the capital-forming effects of military mobilization.

CLARK - Well, as a matter of fact, I won't, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of--

WILL - --"Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth..." You got that from "Work in Essex County," Page 421, right? Do you have any thoughts of your own on the subject or were you just gonna plagiarize the whole book for me?

Clark is stunned.*

Mr. Sexy Time - Tim Wakefield - I don't care what you say, the knuckleball is damn sexy. As far as I know, Tim is the only guy left in the league that still throws one. Since its the only pitch I was ever capable of throwing, I have a special place in my heart for players that still throw this abomination of a pitch.

Worst MVP Ever - Dustin Pedroia - Honestly, when I heard he was the MVP, I figured it was a joke. If you can be described as "scrappy", you're not MVP material in my book.

This Won't End Well - Brad Penny - Even at one year for a bargain basement price, having the Fragile Frankie Merman of pitchers on your staff is never a good bet. Penny will hide an injury, which leads him to give up way to many runs. When he gives these runs up, Terry Franconia will yank him and Penny will whine like a girl about it. This cycle will repeat until July when they finally put him on the shelf for the year with a pulled vagina. Have fun Red Sox Nation.

*Parts of this post may have been taken from the script of Good Will Hunting.