Brant's Rant

November 16, 2009 | Comments (0) | by T.R.

NFL 'hang time' clocks:
What in the hell is the point of showing the 'hang time' of a punt in digital format on an NFL broadcast. The point of a punt is to pin the receiving team as deep into their own territory as possible. Why in God's name would I care if it takes that punt 4.9 or 4.3 seconds to land? How much money went into creating that graphic on each broadcast. Better yet, how many wasted dollars are going to some chump in a truck starting and stopping that fucking clock? Yes, these are hard economic times, but that ass hat would serve us a lot better if he were washing our cars or serving our drinks.

The term 'bogo':
If you're not hip to it yet, the term 'bogo' stands for 'buy one get one'. It is often associated with shitty restaurants and second-rate merchandisers. If you're like me, you often hear 'bogo' at your place of work, possibly in the form of a mass e-mail sent throughout the office by an overweight post-menopausal woman, with a coupon attached. You know what bitch? I don't give a shit if Souplantation has a buy one meal, get one half off promotion. Take your fat ass and barren womb over to that shithole buffet with one of the other hags and eat clam chowder until you have a fucking coronary. Please. Just don't bother me with your cost-savings nonsense, I don't give two shits about your frivolity. I feel so sorry for your husband, who likely lost his will to live 20 years ago. I shit on your 'bogo'.

Kids playing stickball in the street and their ignorant parents:
I'm all about our nation's youth getting exercise, being outdoors, using their imaginations and such. But for Christ's sake, don't play stickball on the street that's full of parked cars! How stupid can you be? My car was parked in my own goddamn driveway and you hit it twice you pieces of shit! If you're going to knock a projectile, go down four blocks to the fucking park! How is that not clear? Do you not have parents? Are they unaware that it's their designated weekend to be responsible for you? If they were worth their salt, they wouldn't allow you to play ball in the street and destroy other people's property. Or perhaps they're too busy smoking drugs or cheating on their spouses, and are just glad that you're not in the house to witness their various indiscretions. Either way, here's to hoping that you mature quickly enough to not knock up some girl before you graduate high school.

international friendlies; Tim McGraw; USC football; Bill Belichick's ego
Underrated: the Bengals being good; the word 'cocksure'; Colts vs. Patriots