What's Trending on Twitter? A Governor X Investigation

February 22, 2016 | Comments (0) | by Governor X

Welcome to "What's Trending on Twitter?" This is a new TMS feature where I, the Saloon's resident Dodger fan and crusty old white person, check current trends on the Twitter machine.

Twitter has gotten really big since TMS last roamed the plains of the internets. We've been on the lam since July of 2012, and I only joined Twitter in August of that year. At the time, I basically joined just to secure my user name. I saw little point in the platform and wrote it off as another passing fad. Well, I misjudged that. I've really warmed to it as a way of getting up to the minute news on sports and politics. At the same time, the current trends will occasionally make you weep for humanity and/or feel really old. I know, I know. All you millennials have moved on to Snapchat to send pictures of your junk to one another, but we're catching up.

Let's see what's trending today...

Rihanna - Hey, I don't even need to Google that name. I know her! Does anyone remember that umbrella song? Under the ella ella ella or something. Anyway, shortly after that came out she got beat up by that guy. She's trending today because she's just made a video with Drake. You know Drake. He's the Toronto Raptors' version of Jack Nicholson. The sad thing is, Jack Nicholson is probably a better rapper. His lazy rhymes pretty much killed off rap music for me. Now it's all Florida Georgia Line all the time.

Rick Tyler - My first thought was "Stephen Tyler's bastard son?" Nope. Some Ted Cruz campaign operative. He seems to have gotten in trouble for spreading the rumor that Ted Cruz is an actual human being and not some smarmy bible beating android.

Dangerous Woman - I had no idea what this was going to be either. It's Ariana Grande's new album title. The national anthem at the Super Bowl a couple years back is the only thing I've ever heard her sing. Let's keep it that way.

#NostalgicFor - Ah yes...it's like your mom's facebook shares from KBOR FM 88.3, but on Twitter. Does anyone remember macaroni and cheese in the box? Yes. Literally everyone. This trend lets all share what we're nostalgic for! It could be fun if you're into that sort of thing I guess (I don't like to share.), but someone always ruins the fun:
Good god. Just shut up.

#UniversityChallenge - What are the kids doing today? Eating fish sticks through their ass to raise awareness about hunger in Suriname? Getting offended by wind? God damn I'm glad I finished college ages ago. Back in my day, you know, like a little over ten years ago, you could just drink and have a good time (I went to a state school). Now it's all "viral" pranks and political correctness. I clicked on this and still have no idea what the hell it is, so I'll just move on.

Sen. Claire McCaskill - She has breast cancer. I can't make jokes about that can I? No? Well shit. More like Sen. McBuzzkill...

#BlueJays - Hey look! Baseball. This is a baseball blog. Kind of anyway. I'm not a Toronto fan, but just thinking about Bautista's bat flip makes my loins stir. It would have been nice had they won the damn series though. They probably shouldn't have made that R.A. Dickey trade.

Jimmy Rollins - What a sad garbage fart Jimmy Rollins' 2015 season in LA was. The 2015 Dodgers seriously started games with a middle infield of Jimmy Rollins and Chase Utley. Again, 2015 not 2008. Better late than never? Nope. Fart noise. Rollins as a backup wouldn't have been so bad, but LA's manager was Donny Dumbass so he always had to have the crafty (translation: terrible) veteran starting. Rollins signed with the White Sox. He'll be grabbing a lot of bench.

Work from Home - I work from home, but there's too much to say about it. We'll revisit this topic later.

#MusicMonday - You just post about music? I never hear new music anymore. I don't do that Spotify or Apple Music nonsense and the radio is pure garbage. Did you guys know Toto is still making music? Why don't they play that on the radio? Here's a picture of Suzanne Vega. Happy #MusicMonday everyone!

My name is Luka, I live on the third floor? No. No. SECOND FLOOR. Hand me my fucking Grammy!