Tracyball FAQ

June 26, 2006 | Comments (3) | by Governor X

Well, its been a week since the last post and since then, the Pirates have been swept by KC and LA, so here's a little piece on how much Jim Tracy sucks.

Tracyball FAQ

1. Just what is Tracyball?
Tracyball is a uniquely poor style of MLB management that originated with former Dodgers and current Pirates manager Jim Tracy.

2. OK, thats great, but seriously, what is Tracyball?
Fine asshole, here are some more details. The #1 key to Tracyball is lack of emotion. No emotion from the manager, from the players, and especially not from the fans (the other aspects of Tracyball take care of this by making the team uninteresting). Another aspect of Tracyball is the emphasis on journeyman career minor leaguers over young talent. If you have a rookie with some potential and a guy who has spent 10 years bouncing from minor league team to minor league team, a Tracyball team will always go with the half-assed guy. The third major element to Tracyball is the absolute infallibility of the lefty/righty percentages. It doesn't matter if your best left handed batter has been hitting .600 for the last two weeks, if the other team puts in a lefty specialist, your batter WILL be yanked in favor of a righty. This is non-negotiable. The fourth and final key to Tracyball is that you must never have the same lineup two days in a row. Apparently, you want to rotate your career minor league journeymen as much as possible.

3. And I don't want this for my team?
Absolutely not. Tracyball is to a baseball team as SARS is to an Asian businessman. Ideally, if you're in the vicinity of Tracyball team, you would wear a little mask like during a SARS outbreak too.

4. I'm a moron. How do I know if my team is infected?
While lackluster play and a poor record is a good indicator, it doesn't necesarily mean you're infected with Tracyball. A good way to check is to see if you have Jose Hernandez or Mike Edwards on your roster.

5. OK, it looks like my team is infected. How do I cure this disease? Will the AIDS cocktail work?
No, the AIDS cocktail won't work. Unfortunately there is no cure, but the good news is that Tracyball is not terminal. Your team will survive. Eventually, like your body vomiting, your team will decide to expel Tracy and his staff. You and your team might be a little under the weather for awhile after this, but with plenty of fluids and a new manager, you'll be right as rain in no time.

6. Thanks man.
That isn't a question asswipe.


Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan @ 8:11 PM, June 26, 2006

I think Dustyball may be a mutated strain of Tracyball. I will need to conduct further research before making a final conclusion.

Governor X @ 9:53 PM, June 26, 2006

be sure to use the SARS mask while you investigate, you don't want to get infected

Chaim Witz @ 2:36 PM, June 27, 2006

Any time Tracy sits Freddy Sanchez in favor of Joltin' Joe Randa, a flareup of the Tracyball infection is imminent.