War Criminals: The People Who Started Calling SUV's "Crossovers"

10:17 PM | Comments (2) | by Governor X

A recent and nauseating phenomenon is sweeping through car advertisements that needs to be exposed: SUV's that aren't quite as big as a house aren't SUV's anymore, they're crossovers.

With global warming crusader Al Gore filling the political rockstar void left since Bono got kind of lame, Americans are starting to pay attention to climate change. As a result, many are beginning to feel guilty about buying enormous, wasteful vehicles that are contributing to the problem (I didn't include myself in that, since I've felt guilty since I bought the god damned SUV).

Enter the marketing douchebags...in a desperate attempt to keep Americans buying these things, rather than investing in more fuel efficient engines, the auto makers - particularly the two remaining American auto makers on the verge of collapse (Chrysler is German now) - turn to these slick shysters in expensive suits to help pull the wool over everyone's eyes. A couple brainstorming sessions and a few million dollars later, the solution appears: Don't sell SUV's, sell crossovers.

The term "crossover SUV" isn't new. Its been used to describe a certain type of vehicle for years now: mainly the Mom cars no straight man would own like a RAV4 or CR-V. Herein lies the really annoying part. The marketers didn't come up with anything new! They just dropped the SUV part and applied it to such a broad range of vehicles that its rendered meaningless.

Is anyone out there really dumb enough to fall for this shitty ploy? If you are, please don't respond to me. Just go out in the garage, turn on your new crossover, leave the door closed, and just sit for awhile thinking about what you've done.

2 comments:

Maruti Ertiga Price @ 4:21 AM, May 15, 2012

SUV's are most famous segment of cars because of its huge size,powerful engine and stylish looks.I have some updates for car lovers of India.
Maruti Suzuki India has rolled out its much awaited MPV Maruti Ertiga in six variant on 12th April. Maruti Ertiga price iis said to be competing neck-to-neck with the segment best selling cars Toyota Innova and Mahindra Xylo.Maruti Ertiga price ranges from Rs. 5.89 lakh to Rs. 8.45 lakh (ex-showroom Delhi).

Bobby @ 8:34 AM, June 05, 2012

The difference between an SUV and a Crossover is simple: One is (generally) front-wheel drive and a jacked-up car, while the other is rear or four-wheel drive and a truck, complete with a ladder frame. The cars have outsold trucks because liberals have pushed a war on real trucks. The Jeep Grand Cherokee is a crossover because it's not a truck.