Anti-All Star Team Revisited: Part Two

July 10, 2006 | Comments (2) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan

Two months ago I put together a two-part series naming my early selections for the Anti-All Star Team. You can check out the AL team here, and NL here. Granted that was only after a month's worth of games, and some of the early ballot favorites have snapped out of their funk, some have not. Now as we've reached the close of the real All-Star voting, I thought we'd go back and tweak our AAS lineup, as we assemble a fresh crop of pure craptitude.

I covered the NL the other week. Today we tackle the AL. Once again joining me, is fellow Saloon member Brant Brown, to offer his insight.


FIRST BASE - Travis Lee, TB - .197, 4 HR, 13 RBI

    Brant: Once upon a time, there was a great debate going on between who would be the better rookie 1B; Travis Lee or Todd Helton. We’ve had our answer for quite a while now. If all else fails, Travis Lee and Ben Grieve will always be able to find employment with the Devil Rays.
    Chip: How is this guy still starting? Couldn't Tampa play Huff at 1B and platoon Wigginton and Branyan at 3B? Or move one of their 26 promising young outfielders they seem to have, especially if it means getting the hot-tempered Delmon Young up to The Show once and for all? Oh and check out that pic of Travis. Would you trust that guy around your kids? Didn't think so. He looks like a deranged Tom Hanks, circa "Bosom Buddies"

SECOND BASE - Mark Ellis, OAK - .219, 3 HR, 13 RBI
    Brant: Not that Ellis is a star by any means, but no one expected him to be quite this rotten. A .219 average is not conducive to the logic of Moneyball.
    Chip: Nor is a .288 OBP. Oakland fans are beginning to resent him. Not for his poor play, but for getting injured, thus forcing them to endure a full month of Marco Scutaro.

THIRD BASE - Aubrey Huff, TB - .283, 8 HR, 28 RBI
    Brant: Good luck trading Huff off dumbasses! Should have done that at least two years ago and gotten some value out of him.
    Chip: What a butthole. I picked the players for this team two weeks ago, back when he was hitting below .240 with only 4 HR. Now look what the guy has done. Perhaps this will improve his trade value for Tampa and they can pawn him off next month.

SHORTSTOP - Russ Adams - .229, 3 HR, 24 RBI
    Brant: Um, Toronto has been so miffed at his lack of production that they moved Troy Glaus to SS. Troy Glaus does not have incredible range, to say the least.
    Chip: Russ is feeling dejected, especially when he couldn't get the domain name he wanted for his own personal website

CATCHER - A.J. Pierzynski, CWS - .320, 6 HR, 29 RBI
    Chip: Yeah, so we originally had Toby Hall picked here, but the Devil Rays decided to fleece the Dodgers and dump little Toby along with Mark Hendrickson for an up and coming catcher in Dioner Navarro, and Jae Seo, who isn't great, but should still be better than Hendrickson. So instead I will make one last bitter jab at my most hated player of the moment. How? How did this ass-clown win the Final Vote? Seriously a "Punch AJ" campaign is the reason behind this crap? Speaking of which, I really liked how made a big to-do and wrote an article on "Punch AJ", meanwhile other Final Vote candidates didn't get a whiff of recognition. Nice job MLB. You helped an unworthy catcher get the final spot on the All-Star Team while guys like Jorge Posada, Victor Martinez, Kenji Johjima, and Michael Barrett get to watch at home. Seriously, look at this, and explain to me why AJ deserved to be on that final ballot over those other three. F' that guy.

OUTFIELD - Brian Anderson, CWS - .192, 5 HR, 20 RBI
    Brant: When the Sox traded Rowand for Thome, they figured they could make due with Anderson as their CF. Unfortunately, no one told Anderson that he had to participate. Hey, you guys want Juan Pierre? You can have him for .30 cents on the dollar.
    Chip: He hasn't even played well enough to be the most notable Brian Anderson in the league. At least Ozzie knows that when his CF is struggling at the plate you don't have to keep batting him at lead-off.

OUTFIELD - Rondell White, MIN - .182, 0 HR, 15 RBI
    Brant: With Shannon Stewart coming back, and the glut of young OF in Minnesota, Rondell White and his knees will soon be relegated to the bench, or removed entirely from the roster. There isn’t even enough room for this guy to be the DH, which is his only “natural” position. He should have been put out to pasture long ago.
    Chip: There are only 3 frickin' teams left in Major League Baseball that still play on artificial turf. Why would Rondell White and his papier-mâché knees sign with one of them? He should fire his agent.

OUTFIELD - Luis Matos, BAL - .207, 2 HR, 5 RBI
    Brant: – Matos has been vastly outplayed by Corey Patterson. That makes me sick.
    Chip: Matos was designated for assignment last week. Forget being outplayed by Patterson. Matos couldn't even keep a spot on a team that now starts both Jeff Conine and Nick Markakis in the outfield.

That wraps it up. Enjoy the real All-Star Game. Go National League!


Governor X @ 11:59 PM, July 10, 2006

Dioner Navarro is up and coming?

Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan @ 6:33 AM, July 11, 2006

At one time he was.