The Colin Cowherd Project

July 28, 2006 | Comments (0) | by T.R.

Colin Cowherd is a schmuck. For anyone who lives in a city which carries Colin’s show on their local ESPN Radio affiliate, you are likely aware of the three hour bloc of dead air (four grueling hours on the west coast) that ESPN provides each weekday. The Herd, as the show calls itself, is an outlet by which Mr. Cowherd presses upon us his tunnel-vision view (the tunnel being that of football) of the daily state of sports in America. Sports radio listeners normally desire a roundup of the previous night’s athletic happenings, along with a preview of the day ahead while on their morning commute. A mixture of fun with a touch of controversy should also be tossed in with the main ingredients. Colin Cowherd may say that this concoction is his specialty, but he is sorely mistaken.

A Limerick in Honor of Colin
There once was a man named Colin
Whose radio show was appallin'
He ranted and raved
Attention he craved
His ratings are sure to be fallin'

From his perch in Bristol, Conn. (a throbbing sports metropolis as we all know), Colin Cowherd spews bullshit and condescension onto his listeners. His opening monologue that kicks of at 10:00 am EST, 7:00 am PST, is routinely an abomination of logic. Whether he is offending the majority of his own fans by blistering anyone who plays fantasy sports, or offering under-researched “headlines” like Mark Cuban having interest in buying the Cubs, Mr. Cowherd is an expert in double-standard and stupidity.

The anti-Cowherd groundswell is gaining momentum across the country. I don’t have statistics to prove this, but that’s OK. Cowherd clearly states that statistics are for “nerds”, as the guys at convey in an analysis of one of Cowherd’s monologues back in January (scroll about halfway down on the link).

For quite some time I’ve been itching to offer up a daily analysis of the Cowherd monologues for all to enjoy. I’ve devised a list of eight questions by which to rate the content of each opening monologue. They read as such:

Was his topic/view informative?

Did he dig a little deeper than just re-hashing the top story?

Did he give credence to the other side of his stance?

Did he use a fake voice, as if bad imitations are cool?

Did he repeat one thought/idea/analogy incessantly?

Did he make an assumption or exaggerate to help prove his point?

Did he contradict an earlier stance without conceding that he may have originally been wrong?

Did he alienate a good portion of his listening audience (presumably over 30%)?

The monologue score for each day will start at 8. For each of the above standards which prove detrimental to his argument, he will be docked one point. Therefore, his best score on any given day would be an 8 for a lucid, interesting argument, and the worst it could be is 0, implying that he pulled his argument out of his gaping anus. I would estimate that normal scores will reside in the 3-4 range, though on a dry run earlier this week, he scored a 2. A score of 0 will admittedly be rare, as to alienate your audience and blatantly contradicting yourself at the same time would be quite a feat. Nevertheless, these are crucial points.

The Colin Cowherd Project will begin on Monday, July 31, 2006. Good luck to you sir.

To read posts on how some others feel about
Mr. Cowherd, visit this page.

To view the results of the “Find a Picture of
Colin Cowherd Not Looking Like a Giant
Cockweasel Contest”, click here.

To read the Wikipedia entry for his show,
which includes a couple of his infamous
debacles, click here.

On a similar note, to read a running analysis on
the declining state of Bill Simmons articles, click here.

Colin also has a man-
crush on Jack Morris.
Here's Jack with a
nice walleye.