All Star Break Wrapup

July 12, 2006 | Comments (4) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan

Well another All Star Game is in the books, and yet again the AL came out on top. Here's some quick notes about the game.

Brad Penny's 2-inning stretch was just phenomenal to watch. Penny blazed fastball after fastball topping out at 98-99 several times. Only the freak of nature Vlad Guerrero got anything off of him, taking a fastball that would've been over my head, to the right field seats. Lets just hope for Dodger fans' sake that Penny didn't destroy his arm doing it.

Tim McCarver. Just brutal. I don't know how many times I got a brain cramp trying to comprehend what the hell he was babbling about. Tim had some dandies early on too. At one point he said Brad Penny's fastballs were like "Mark Wahlberg....catch me if you can." Huh? This one still frickin' baffles me. Was he meaning Leonardo DiCaprio who starred in Catch Me If You Can? Was he referring to Mark Wahlberg's character running on the football field in the preview to the new movie "Invincible", which was shown about as many times as the promo for the next hit drama on Fox, "Vanished"?

Another dandy from McCarver came when he exclaimed that if they left Penny in for the full 9 innings, he could throw 20 strikeouts. Seriously? How is this moron allowed to talk in public? Look asswipe, its plainly obvious that Penny, who normally tops out at 94 mph on the radar gun, knew he would only pitch 2 innings of work so he just unloaded with nothing but heaters. After that I tried my best to tune him out or else risk suffering irreversible brain trauma.

Well its official. After two days of ESPN and Fox drooling all over David Wright every chance they got, I officially have a man-crush on him.

Did anyone tell Troy Glaus that he was in the All Star Game and he was allowed to smile a few times? Even in the home run derby he looked like he was about to file his taxes or something. Lighten up Troy!

Feel free to skewer me on this, but can we just stop with the "God Bless America" in the 7th inning schtick? Fine if you want to call me an unpatriotic asshole but last time I checked we usually honor our country before the game with the "Star Spangled Banner". Is it just a reaffirmation to show how "American" we all are? Or is it to weed out potential terrorists that may have shown up at the game late? Either way, it destroys the flow of the game. Would you interrupt a boxing match after round 7 to say the Pledge of Allegiance? I know it was the All Star Game but that crap happens in the frickin' regular season and playoffs too. "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at least keeps the crowd pumped up for baseball. Just stop already.

Oh and the AL frickin' won, which sucks balls because now we have to listen to every sports radio douchebag drone on today about how dominant the AL is over the NL. Really? Is that why it took until 9th inning to pull ahead for the 3-2 victory? All those superstar sluggers in the AL looked great against that wimpy NL pitching.....oh wait, aside from Vlad, your precious Yankee and Red Sox sluggers all looked like fools caught with their wang in their hand at the plate. If the NL had pulled it out we'd probably hear about them making a resurgance and how the leagues have evened out. But alas, why does the NL even bother. I mean, the way it seems we should just have a Yankees-Red Sox World Series every year since those are the only two teams that obviously matter. What? No I'm not bitter, not bitter at all.

And lastly, everyone, just stop with the "ideas to improve the All Star Game". The home-field advantage rule is retarded enough. But then I read this article saying they should switch to a USA vs. World format since the AL always wins. What? Did that guy really think at all before coming up with that? First off, MLB wouldn't go for it. The USA couldn't win against single countries in the WBC, so why would they pit them against all those countries combined? And secondly, you think the AL-NL is lop-sided? What the hell do you think the outcome of a USA vs. the World matchup would look like? I'm not sure how many guys you noticed last night that have a Latin sounding name but A-Rod and Nomar would be the only few on the American team. Just looking at this year's All Stars this is what a World team might look like.

C - Ivan Rodriguez
1B - Albert Poopholes, David Ortiz
2B - Jose Lopez
3B - Miguel Cabrera
SS - Jose Reyes, Miguel Tejada, Edgar Renteria
OF - Vlad Guerrero, Manny Ramirez, Ichiro Suzuki, Jason Bay, Carlos Beltran, Alfonso Soriano, Andruw Jones, Magglio Ordonez, Carlos Lee
P - Johan Santana, Francisco Liriano, Mariano Rivera, Jose Contreras, Pedro Martinez, Carlos Zambrano

Who wants to face that team? Also switching to this format would absolutely destroy fan voting. Would fans be as eager to vote for Poopholes or Big Papi if it meant they would play for the World team? Hell I'd be casting all my votes for Neifi Perez at shortstop if it were this way.

The All Star Game is fine how it is. Please, just stop with the gimmicks.


Governor X @ 11:49 AM, July 12, 2006

You officially have a man-crush on David Wright...I now officially know who he is. We're at slightly different stages of our relationship with him, but its progressing none the less.

I thought I heard McCarver say "Mark Wahlberg Catch Me if you Can", but I just assumed I was having a stroke.

This God Bless America crap still going on is mindless jingoism at its worst. They might as well just have "Amurhica...Love it or Leave it" on the jumbotron. The worst part about it is that it isn't even a good song.

You'll have to excuse me now, some folks from Homeland Security are here to escort me to a gulag in Poland.

Anonymous @ 4:18 AM, July 13, 2006

Agreed with the 7th-inning stretch remark. Probably one of the main reasons I dislike Bud Selig as commissioner is because he lets that go on long after it's even relevant anymore. Memo to Bud: there's still a team in Canada, even though you managed to eliminate one and put it in the God-blessed nation's capital. It's almost like he hates Take Me Out to the Ball Game as being unpatriotic, since he'd rather make America think that his beloved jingo song is the country's New Official Seventh Inning Stretch Tradition.

And yeah, it's the worst song ever written. No deity favors one country over another. It's just retarded to think so.

Also, did anyone else recoil in horror at the end when Joe and Tim hugged each other and happily announced that we, the viewers, were STUCK WITH FOX for the next seven years?

Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan @ 6:41 AM, July 13, 2006

If Tim McCarver's senile ass is still announcing in seven years, God help us all.

Awful Announcing- @ 12:32 PM, July 13, 2006

Here's the American's lineup-
C- Mauer
1B- Howard/Thome
2B- Loretta Utley
SS- Jeter
3B- Wright
OF- Berkman
OF- Wells
OF- Dye
P- Halladay
P- Zito
P- Oswalt
P- Webb
P- Penny

They would get absoultely hammered.