Cubs Make Sexy Time with Soriano

3:02 PM | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

In a coup that can only be described as 'pants shitting', the Cubs have gone out and signed the most coveted player in this year's free agent class, Alfonso "Alfie" Soriano. High priced splashes such as this are usually reserved for teams with a New York zip code.

8 Years. $136 million. That's a lot of chickenscratch, especially for a guy who almost wrote, starred and directed in the sequel to Operation Shutdown. But I'll be damned if this isn't the best move the Cubs have made in years. Color me giddy. It's great to see the Tribune Company pry open their moth-ridden wallet and pay for dinner.

This is the kind of move that you have to make if you are serious about winning. Sure it's too many years and probably a little too much money, but if you want to compete with the big boys, you have to pay to play. Bravo Jim Hendry, you wiley SOB.

There are still holes in the pitching staff that need to be addressed, but I have confidence in Hendry to go out and get a few more pieces. Hell, if the Cardinals can win the World Series with a pitching staff made up of Chris Carpenter and 4 stock boys from Home Depot, who's to say the Cubs can't win behind Zambrano and a couple of other live arms and castaways?

Fire up the boombox. Alfie is coming.

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