Lou Piniella has announced that Thunder Matt Murton will open the season as the Cubs left fielder, not Lightning Cliff Floyd.
What a glorious announcement. Can you imagine how many times Thunder got his shock of red hair tousled by congratulatory teammates upon hearing this? We imagine he blushed a deep shade of red which matched his hair, essentially rendering him into what would appear to be a giant flame atop a neck.
Thunder has had a decent enough spring, but now the pressure is on. A hot start ensures that Lightning Floyd will be spending more time in the training room, icing his body and soul whilst Thunder thrills the sold-out crowds at Wrigley with his on the field heroics and clubhouse antics.
Bring me the Thunder! (and your first born son!)