Lightning Crashes and Thunder Rolls (On Outta Here)

March 28, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

Thunder Matt Murton, the red-headed stallion whose existence gave birth to this humble, sporadically read blog, may have played his last game as a Cub. Or at least as a Chicago Cub.

It is being reported that, despite a stellar Spring (.333 BA, 22 hits, 5 2Bs and only 5 K's), Thunder is expected to start the season in at AAA Iowa. The team has also expressed a willingness to part ways with Thunder via trade, to give our hero a chance at a well-deserved shot somewhere else.

You could see this coming all the way back when the Cubs signed that guy from the Far East whose name looks like a swear, but it became even more evident this week when the Cubs signed Reed 'Smoke Em If You Got Em' Johnson. The Cubs bench is filling up faster than Harry Caray's bladder on a Saturday night, and unfortunately Thunder doesn't list 'centerfielder' on his resume, so he is the odd man out.

We're in the midst of composing Thunder Matt's Cubs obituary as we speak. It's ok to cry, despite what my dad says.

That said, don't think that we've heard the last of Sweet Thunder. Look for him punish fastballs and gain superstardom for some other team... and the Cubs will rue the day they let go of such a Christian competitor when the Felix Pie experiment crashes and burns and Fukodome turns out to be more 'So Taguchi' than 'Hideki 'Secret Marriage' Matsui'.

Sweet, sweet Thunder.

(Fade to black...voiceover narration)

Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! Fuckin' real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn't want it, Thunder! So what we got now is *Wrigley Field*! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy, fuckin' all. So I hope you know that, even if you don't never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly *three* years and you measure the short fucking leash you keep me on - and then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needing somethin' I don't hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you... I can't make it on a coupla high-altitude *homers* once or twice a year! You are too much for me Thunder, you sonofawhoreson bitch! I wish I knew how to quit you.