This Ain't a Scene, Its a God Damn Arms Race

April 18, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Governor X

I don't think I've ever been so happy to hear a guy was injured. L.A. has put Jason Schmidt on the DL with shoulder problems. Why am I happy? Because that explains why he's sucked so hard early in the season and can't throw faster than 85 mph. Get healthy quick you bastard.

In the meantime, the race is on to see who fills his spot in the rotation. Fortunately, the Dodgers are overflowing with pitching, so its not a worry:

Mark Hendrickson - aka Lurch - He stunk up the place in the rotation last year, but has looked solid in relief. Lets hope he stays there.

Chad Billingsley - He looked impressive in 16 starts last year, and only narrowly lost the 5th spot to Brett Tomko who had an impressive Spring. He's my pick, since he'll inevitably return to the role of starter when Tomko falls apart again.

Hong Chih Kuo - Ready to come off the DL for similar reasons as Schmidt, long reliever Kuo also seems to be a candidate. I'd rather not chance that three-time surgically repaired elbow though.

Eric Stults - So so guy currently rotting in AAA. Not a real option in my opinion. He hasn't done anything worth noting since playing Rocky Dennis in Mask.

D. J. Houlton - Crappy journeyman holdover from the Tracyball era. He actually had the balls to tell the Las Vegas paper recently that he felt his 6-9 record with an ERA over five in 2005 should have earned him a chance to pitch in the bigs again last year. What a douchebag.

To close, I hope you all enjoy that picture of a levitating Rafael Furcal setting up to shit on Eric Byrnes' head as much as I do.