Following the Cubs to San Diego

May 09, 2006 | Comments (1) | by T.R.

The yearly trek to San Diego was quite uninspiring, no matter how much alcohol was consumed on the journey. The Cubs stunk up Petco, nothing you don't already know. But it was great to see all the rabid Cub fans filling the bars in the Gaslamp before and after each game. Now would be a good time to review what we learned:

1) Do not bring Roberto Novoa into a game...ever.
2) Do not let Fast Freddie Bynum play left field...ever.
3) Angel Guzman needs more time.
4) The Padres really are not this good, the Cubs are just this bad.
5) Don't get on the trolley to the stadium if you don't have your tickets for the game. This will waste precious time and may cause you to run great distances in flip-flops.
6) When you have a chance to leave a bar without paying your tab, just take that chance.
7) Old Town is a mandatory stop on any trip to San Diego.
8) When in Old Town, spend at least a couple hours in the Old Town Saloon.
9) Always take in the Kentucky Derby with total strangers in a Saloon.
10) Don't drink the 64-ounce margarita. It will taste great, and you'll get a good buzz, but it will weight you down for a couple hours.
11) The Blarney Stone is the best bar in the Gaslamp.
12) Padres fans cannot take criticism. They cannot deal with people rooting vocally for the visiting team. They will make outrageous accusations about you to the ushers. They wallow in their insecurities, and will work to have you expelled from your seat. They are not to be trusted, and are nearly as bad as Angel fans.
13) When your options at the end of an evening are to either go to your hotel room and pass out, or go to one more bar, just go back to your room.
14) When you choose to go to that last bar, verify that your table is steady before leaning on it, lest you spill your beer all over yourself.
15) The San Diego Convention Center has excellent facilities, especially if you need to vomit.

Oh yeah, one more thing: let's just fire Dusty and be done with it.


Governor X @ 12:01 PM, May 09, 2006

#12 could not possibly be more true. Something in the water down there prevented that part of their brains from developing.