Ri-COCK-ulous!

It was one of those 'Oh shit' moments that makes you set down your Old Style and pay attention, like a cheetah getting a whiff of a crippled elk. Sure to go down in Chicago sports lore, Michael Barrett threw the most shocking right cross since Buster Douglas hit Mike Tyson hard enough to make him think it was a good idea to get a face tattoo 10 years later. If only the rest of the Cubs could hit a baseball like Michael Barrett hits white trash in the face.

Now this moment has been disected again and again, replayed more times than the obligitory 'guy getting hit in the balls' shot on every episode of America's Funniest Videos.

So I won't speak at length, but I will say this. For one of the first times this year, I was fired up to be a Cubs fan. Was Barrett in the wrong? Probably. If the culprit had been anyone other than AJ 'I Still Own Half a Dozen WCW Shirts, Including 2 NWO Ones" Pierzynski, would Barrett have done his best Ron Artest imitation? Very doubtful. Bet your ass that wouldn't have happened if it was Paul Konkerko who had run him over. But AJ is a jackass and it was a long time coming. Now I'm not an advocate of violence, but in the case of AJ, surely it is not only justified, but mandatory. I only wish it could have ended with a Brutus the Barber Beefcake moment, with Barrett standing over AJ with a pair of hedgetrimmers and a maniacal look in his eye, ready to cut that mullet.

Well one would have hoped that incident lit a fire under the listless Cubs, and on Sunday, for a fleeting second, it looked like it may have. After narrowly escaping TOTAL embarassment by, it pains me to say this, a Sox team that is clearly in a different league right now (literally and figuratively), the Cubs get shellacked by the Marlins. That's right, the Marlins. Quick casual fan, name one Marlin other than that pitcher with the nice smile and high leg kick. Times up. We would have settled for 'the collection of nine guys that made the Cubs look like a Double A club', assuming the Marlins, as speculated, are Triple A.

Later in the week, I will look at who's to blame for the Cubs. That will be a really, really long post.

Comments

BrantBrown said…
For the love of Jebus. AJ is such a clubhouse cancer that he was shipped out of San Francisco two years ago. When you're worse in the clubhouse than Barry Bonds, that's saying something. AJ is a piece of trash, especially after he mocked Zambrano the next day. The guy doesn't learn. What really pisses me off is that the media-types all say that Barrett was being a baby, but if they knew more about each of those players, they'd really know who deserved a jack in the face. Ugh.