TMS' 10 Most Wanted List

In the 2nd in my ongoing series of "War Criminals in MLB", its time to profile the 10 worst announcers/commentators in the game today. Now, as a Dodger fan I have Vin Scully and the Cubs fans here had Harry Caray, but lets face it, most "voices of the game" are terrible. Some are worse than others of course, and these ten should be breaking rocks in a Siberian labor camp. Without further ado, the list:

10. Rick Monday (Los Angeles Dodgers) - The words coming out of Monday's mouth are English, and I speak English, but I rarely understand what the hell Monday is talking about. Read this quote closely and note it makes no sense: Ground ball to short. Furcal is up with it and throws it high to 1st, where it's dug out nicely by Loney. Monday is also the only good argument FOR an amendment banning flag burning. Thirty years ago or so, some hippies went onto the field at Dodger Stadium to burn a flag...Monday swooped in and saved it, making him an instant star. If only those hippies had thought twice, we might have been spared years of mindless rambling.

9. Pete Van Wieren, Don Sutton, & Skip Caray (Atlanta Braves) - Yeah, its three guys, so what. They're all interchangeable. Who needs Ambien when you have a Braves game. These guys make Ben Stein sound like a.......zzzzzZZZZZzzzzz....huh? what?.....zzzzzZZZZZzzzzz

8. Kevin Kennedy (Fox) - You won't find a more inane moron than Kennedy. He was recently saying a team that just won a game had an excellent chance to go on a winning streak. No shit? He also grooms himself like Tom Selleck circa 1982.

7. Tim McCarver (Fox) - Back before World War I broke out, Tim McCarver was just starting to go senile. He's been stammering like a Canadian with tourettes ever since. Age doesn't necesarily mean you need to send an announcer out to pasture, but when you sound like Grandpa Simpson in the booth, its probably time. Just an awful announcer.

6. Joe Morgan (ESPN) - If you're interested in how all current players are inferior to The Big Red Machine or a really odd way of pronouncing "slider", Morgan is for you. If thats not your cup of tea, Morgan is insufferable. Fortunately, ESPN's Sunday night game is usually crap so I don't have to listen to him.

5. Steve Physioc (California Angels of Los Angeles of Anaheim) - Physioc is the Angels play by play guy and he's bad, but what makes him one of the worst is his role as an enabler of #2 on our list, his partner in the booth and in life, Rex Hudler. Its often hard to figure out whether you're watching a baseball game or one of those Ambiguously Gay Duo cartoons on SNL.

4. Everyone on Baseball Tonight (ESPN) - A key clause of a commentator's contract to appear on this show is that you have to check your brain at the door. Also, if you aren't convinced Barry Bonds is the greatest athlete in human history and the sexiest man alive, you aren't welcome. As a Dodger fan it pains me to see one of my all time favorites Orel Hershiser playing Laurel to John Kruk's Hardy (thats for you old folks out there).

3. Ken "Hawk" Harrelson (Chicago White Sox) - "You can put it on the board...YES!" Here's hoping that board is part of a cross and you're putting Hawk Harrelson on it with nails. Most announcers at least TRY to feign objectivity. Harrelson gave that up years ago and became the most insufferable homer ever to grab a mic in an MLB booth. White Sox games are unwatchable as a result.

2. Rex Hudler aka "Wonderdog" aka "Beelzebub" (California Angels of Los Angeles of Anaheim) - For Rex Hudler, every player is a Hall of Famer, every play is great, and everyone in the world is holding hands and smelling flowers. A guy could be batting .200 and Hudler would say he's scrappy. In Hudler's world, Charles Manson was just a hard worker who wouldn't give up. Hudler may in fact be the devil himself as he even managed to survive a drug scandal while the SS...err, I mean Disney owned the Angels.

1. Joe Buck (Fox) aka Joe MotherBucker - Joe Buck is the Osama Bin Laden of our list. In fact, if you gave him a beard, a kalashnikov, and a dialysis machine, you probably couldn't tell the difference. Buck isn't the worst or the most irritating, but he is the only person on this list with global reach. Fox has him calling Saturday games, playoff games, the World Series, NFL football and Nascar. Don't be surprised if they have him moderating a presidential debate in 2008 or taking over as host of American Idol. You can't escape Buck. He knows where you live and will soon be stalking your family to do bland commentary on your daily life. Now that I think of it, since Buck is an incompetent boob who got his job because of his father's name, he might be the George W. Bush of the list. You decide that one...

Comments

Chip Wesley said…
The only good thing about watching Kruk on Baseball Tonight is watching as Ravech, Reynolds, and Gammons fumble around with something to say after Kruk spews some of his patented verbal diarrhea. You can just tell when Kruk opens his mouth all the others at the desk are dreading having to follow him up with any comments. He absolutely murders any flow the show once had.
Scott said…
Ron Santo is perhaps one of the greatest living sports figures of our generation and an inspiration to all. But he is, simply put, the worst and most biased announcer in any sport - ever. Check out AM720 if you're in Chicago during a Cub game.