A Guest Editorial

August 07, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan

It's a slow week here in the Saloon, as everyone has been busy, lazy, or fallen victim to carny justice.
So today while milling about over at Hire Jim Essian, I nonchalantly asked if anyone wanted to do a guest post. Of course one guy jumped on the opportunity faster than you can say "Another passed ball by Michael Barrett".

Adam writes on his own blog, The Dome is Haunted and is a regular at HJE and the Saloon, as well as a diehard fan of Thunder Matt and the French Connection (Fonetnot and Theriot). He's the guy who's always hanging around the pool table, waiting for someone to slap a quarter down, while he drinks a pitcher of Busch Light and shouts at the bartender because he hasn't heard the Whitesnake songs he played on the jukebox yet.

You probably know him better by his very subtle and understated pen name, "In a nutsack". Anyway, here's his editorial about the current state of Thunder Matt.

Thunder Only Happens When it Rains

First off, I’d like to thank Chip from TMS for giving me the opportunity to do a little slumming around the Saloon for an evening. And by “opportunity,” I mean he randomly posted in the HJE! Shoutbox “Hey, anybody wanna post for TMS? We’re being lazy as of late.” In my very own Johnny Drama moment, I jumped at the chance and said “Hell yeah, I’ll post something.” It’s funny how you can feel someone else’s uneasiness through the magic that is Al Gore’s very own Interweb. Nevertheless, TMS is my “Five Towns, and I’m taking this baby and running with it. The last thing I want to do is tarnish the glowing lacquer Paul Sullivan, in his infinite and omnipotent wisdom, bestowed upon TMS. Regardless, here goes the neighborhood.

So, where in the world is our good friend and object of affection, Thunder Matt Murton? Well, if you look to your right, you’ll see him peeking behind the clutches of a douchebag and a turd sandwich.

But, alas, the question is rhetorical. I’m sure every bartender at this site is well aware of the absence of Thunder during this 2007 Cub season. God knows we all had high hopes for him. Plus, he has red hair. I digress.

With Jock playing so terribly in the beginning of the year (and through the present, except for the little spurt of adequacy of late), one would hope Thunder Matt could take advantage and make himself a mainstay in the Cubs lineup. But, with the offseason additions of the statuesque Clifford Floyd and versatile Mark DeRosa, Matt’s been shit out of luck. Call me crazy, but I can’t help but root for the guy. He seems cool enough. He doesn’t do anything outrageous or zany, like punching catchers (although, we were glad to see it happen) or kicking up half of Wrigley’s infield on an umpire’s Dockers. What really smarts is that he just hasn’t produced so much this year, albeit in limited playing time. To date, he’s only amassed a .256/.336/.338 line with 1 HR, 10 RBI, 1 SB, 16 BB and 26 K. Son, that’s not going to keep you in the Big Show. But, fortunately (or unfortunately) one man’s misfortune could be another red-headed stepchild’s lottery ticket. Write that down.

With Alfonso Soriano sliding comfortably into Kerry Wood’s favorite whirlpool on the DL, there suddenly appears an open door…an opportunity…another Johnny Drama moment. One of those moments that make you say, “Something bad happened to somebody else that could potentially boost my status? Hell yeah. I’m in.” This time, it’s for Thunder Matt. And this time, I hope he makes all my wildest dreams come true.

Go Cubs.

Got an editorial rant you'd like to share with the Saloon? Submit it to thundermatts@gmail.com. If we like what you have to say, we'll give you a barstool to preach upon.