The Flaming Hot Stove

December 15, 2006 | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan

Here's a quick rundown of some of the latest offseason dealings....

Andy Pettitte to the Yankees - "My home's here in Texas. My family is here, my church, my- what? $16 million? Plus a $16 million option for 2008? Let me pack my bag and I'll be on the next plane to New York. Did you talk to Roger yet?"

Obviously that's not a real quote from Pettitte, but the way the media was painting it, he didn't seem to want to leave his home again. Funny how money changes things. Classic New York contract, dropping a crapload of money for an aging vet. Of course even Andy Pettitte with a banged up elbow is still probably better than say Jaret Wright or Carl Pavano.

Jason Jennings to the Astros - The 'stros made a kneejerk trade with Andy's departure, getting Jason Jennings and Miguel Asencio from Colorado in exchange for Willy Taveras, Taylor Buchholz, and Jason Hirsh. I was kind of hoping the Cubs would make a move for Jennings, but not for as much as Houston gave away for him.

Jennings has shown success in hitter-friendly Coors, so being at another hitter-friendly park in Houston shouldn't be too much of an adjustment for him. Meanwhile you can pretty much guarantee that Buchholz won't be drafted in any fantasy leagues next year pitching in Denver. On the other hand the move to Colorado could prove incredibly beneficial to Willy Taveras' power numbers. I fully expect him to double or even triple is home run total from 2006.

Eric Gagne to the Rangers - According to reports a few weeks ago, Gagne never felt better and was in great shape. Of course pretty much every client of Scott Boras is like Col. Steve Austin when they're a free agent. I think our own Governor Gray Davis summed it up best when he said, "A borderline cripple pitching in Arlington...that should work out well."

J.D. Drew & Julio Lugo to the Red Sox - Crap, there's goes the Cubs potential center fielder. I meant Lugo, not Drew. But seriously, whenever you can sign one of the most prolific hitting outfielders (on paper), for $14 million a year, you gotta make that move. Over the last seven seasons, Drew has averaged 120 games played. Currently Vegas has the over/under of games played by Drew in '07 at 96.5.

Jeff Cirillo to the Twins - Holy shit, seriously? This guy is still in the league?

Kenny Lofton to the Rangers - Kenny aims to play for more teams in his career than Reggie Sanders. The current score is 10-8 in favor of Kenny.

Daryle Ward to the Cubs - The replacement for John Mabry. Only difference is that Ward is capable of hitting.

Victor Zambrano non-tendered by the Mets - You gotta cut your losses at some point I guess. Oh well, at least you guys didn't deal away anybody of great value to get him......oh wait.

Marcus Giles non-tendered by the Braves - Hey Hendry, what about this guy? Perhaps? He can't be worse than what we have right now in the middle infield.

Daisuke Matsuzaka to the Red Sox - ESPN will be launching ESPN Dice-K, a 24-hour network that will follow the Japanese phenom around and report his every move. At last they have another player to dry hump now that they've realized with the cancellation of Bonds on Bonds that nobody gives a shit about Barry.

As far as Dice goes, I'm not sure what is more bewildering. His mysterious gyroball, or his mysterious yellow corn tooth.