War Criminal of the Year 2006: You

December 19, 2006 | Comments (0) | by Governor X

Thats right, you. You are the war criminal of the year. Why? Well, chances are you fit into one of the categories below:

Anyone who felt the need to feign surprise when a super hot chick from Booger Knob, Kentucky became Miss USA and decided it was time to party. Are you kidding?

Anyone who went to go see Happy Feet instead of Casino Royale. I don't care if you have kids or not. Kids would love James Bond if you would give them a chance. You missed the best Bond flick in over 20 years.

People who still watch reality shows.

The three of you who enjoy listening to Joe Buck.

People who watch the Superbowl for the ads.

Steve Irwin - Why did you have to die you fuck? You were the closest thing to a role model I've ever had.

The bastards at Ticketmaster who thought I should pay $75 to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers at The Forum. Great show, but seriously, $75?

The 299,000,000 or so Americans who didn't buy The Killers' "Sam's Town" or Muse's "Black Holes and Revelations". Best god damned CDs to come out in years and you passed so you could buy another shitfest from Beyonce or Nickelback.

The 3.5 million of you who have bought Carrie Underwood's "Some Hearts" - just in case any of you weren't covered in the previous category.

People who slow down to a near crawl to turn right. Don't you realize some of us have places to go?

Those of you who voted for Don Mattingly in our All 80's Team poll - Eddie Murray is going to beat you with a splintery 2x4 if he finds out who you are.

Peyton Manning.

Eli Manning.

Archie Manning for boning your sister all those years ago and unleashing the previous two on the world.

And finally both the lame asses at Time magazine who decided to name "you" their person of the year and those who thought it would be fun to do a send up of it on a sports blog.