Chaiming In

May 31, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

  • Swept by the Marlins. (Crickets) Ugggggggla. Like a flashback from Nam', the memories of 2003 will haunt the Friendly Confines forever. Full disclosure: these confines ain't so friendly ma'am. Really there is nothing positive to say about this series. It was vaguely depressing, but more just kind of blah, like Easy Mac for lunch at work.

  • The NL Central is terrible. Don't let the apologists (see: NL Central managers) tell you otherwise. Has any team ever won a division with a record less than .500? I should suspect not. Somebody check Wikipedia.

  • I must say, I don't watch a lot of West Coast baseball, save for when ESPN interrupts regular programming to bring me the latest Barry Bonds at-bat, as he chases an increasingly meaningless record. Regardless, I have come to the decision after this past weekend that I don't really mind the Dodgers per se. They've got a great history, cool uniforms, a old school ballpark and some likable young guys. It probably doesn't hurt that my favorite player of all time, Fernando Valenzuela, donned Dodger Blue for his glory years. That said, until they purge their roster of Jeff Kent, I refuse to admit this affection to anyone other than the 3 people reading this. I feel my secret is safe with you guys.

  • I've officially washed my hands of The Sports Guy. I'm sick of hearing his 'woe is me' take on being a fan of New England sports, and the fact that he has to recount every vomit-inducing conversation he has with his Dad is at best unneccessary, at worst incestual and creepy. Awww...Bill Simmons dad is a curmudgeonly old man with a heart of gold! How cliche. Dan McCarthy from Stanford, why don't you be my mouthpiece?

  • Favorite boxer ever: James 'Buster' Douglas. Mark it down.

  • I wouldn't mind an Xbox 360. Thing is, I don't want to pay for one in the traditional sense. That being said, I am soliciting offers from anyone who would like to just give me one. In exchange I will buy you any shirt from the Thunder Matt store (though I will clearly be pushing you towards the 'I was Ast-raped in 88' one). I'm also working on getting Alyssa Milano to add a couple Thunder Matt shirts to her 'Touch' line of clothing. My calls have gone unreturned but I remain cautiously optimistic.

  • A few readers have reported Buzanis sightings at the following locales: Payday Loans. 5 miles off the coast of Cuba. In a hammock strung between two palm trees. In line at Orange Julius. A goofy golf course in Panama City. Riding the back of a great white shark. In the background as an extra during the season finale of Lost.

  • Need some cheering up after the Cubs recent woes? Take a listen to the song 'In Transit' by Albert Hammond. This perfect summer ditty is the musical equivilent to a cup of coffee and bagel to start your morning off on the right foot.

  • Seriously, go see Knocked Up or Once this weekend. What, you'd rather watch another Cubs meltdown? Get a sitter for the kids (or better yet, put the kids to sleep and sneak out...I've found that method to be highly underrated), score a corner booth at Applebees and then sneak your leftover Rib Tip platter into the local cineplex. Two hours of belly laughs and ten sticky BBQ fingers later you'll be wondering why you don't do that more often. You'll probably also be wondering where your kids went. (Most likely kinapped. Best case scenario it's a run-of-the-mill textbook 'runaway' case.)