Monday Afternoon Hangover: Week 13

11:00 AM | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan

Welcome to a very special "Mail it in" edition of the Hangover. Let's plow through these games as I mourn the 2007 Bears season. R.I.P.

Dallas 37
Green Bay 27
I didn't feel like leaving the comforts of my home to go watch this at a goddamn Buffalo Wild Wings. Wow that franchise needs a War Criminal, or an Overrated at the very least. Who the hell likes that place? Probably the same people that actually choose Applebee's as a legitimate dining choice on a regular basis. In fact BWW is the Applebee's of sports bars. The only reason you really should be there is because you're not familiar with the area and that's your only option near your hotel.

What? Oh yeah, Favre got hurt and the Packers lost. Whoopidee doo!

Tennessee 28
Houston 20
It's a battle for AFC South supremacy as two Big 12 QB's clash! Vince Young vs. Sage Rosenfels. Who will win?

Actually I would've taken Sage for more passing yards than Young, but Vince actually didn't do too bad. He even threw for more TD's than picks for a change.

Indianapolis 28
Jacksonville 25
This really was Indy's last big test before the playoffs. Unless of course a pissed off Baltimore team comes out next week and murders Peyton. Nonetheless Jacksonville still seems on track for a Wild Card.

Delaware 39
Northern Iowa 27
Well, it was a good run while it lasted. A couple key turnovers and the Panthers inability to stop Delaware on third down conversions killed them. The Blue Hens move on the semifinals against the Southern Illinois Salukis.

San Diego 24
Kansas City 10
That makes it 5 losses in a row now for KC. My prediction, the Chiefs lose their last 4 games and finish 4-12, Herm Edwards gets canned. Also San Diego gets bounced in the first round of the playoffs due to Norv Turner's ineptitude.

Minnesota 42
Detroit 10
I'm far from being a Vikings fan, but nothing brought me more joy than seeing them completely destroy the Lions. Much to the delight of my fantasy team, Adrian Peterson came back and ran quite well.

Carolina 31
San Francisco 14
In the "Who really gives a shit?" game of the week. Carolina and the rifle arm of Rasputin Testaverde easily handled the Niners. Rookie LB Patrick Willis had 18 tackles for the second straight week. Apparently he's the only guy playing for San Francisco that knows how to tackle.

Buffalo 17
Washington 16
Things you don't hear anyone saying: "You know who I like to make the postseason? Buffalo." How the hell is Buffalo still in the playoff hunt? Seriously.

Stick a fork in the Skins. They were faltering anyway and now they've got some pretty hefty emotional baggage on top of them. Which is too bad because I was really hoping Gibbs could've gotten back in the playoffs.

New York Jets 40
Miami 13
Hey Miami. You know how I know you're gay? You gave up 40 to the Jets. Ugh, I got nothing. Mark it down. As I mentioned at the beginning, it's "Mail it in" week.

Seattle 28
Philadelphia 24
Apparently A.J. Feeley's only good for keeping the game close but inevitably losing it. Does anyone even like Seattle besides say folks from Washington state? There's nothing sexy about this team, their best player has been a gimp for most of the season, and any lingering likability from this team was washed away by all the incessant whining over them getting "screwed" by the refs in the Super Bowl. Go away Seahawks. Take a cue from Cobain and Staley.

St. Louis 28
Atlanta 16
I think it's obvious that Steven Jackson's presence in the Rams offense makes all the difference in the world. Then again, I'm pretty sure if you lose to the Falcons at this point you get relegated to Arena League.

Oakland 34
Denver 20
I don't know what's more amazing. The fact the Raiders have won two in a row, or Tim Dwight is still alive in this league?

Arizona 27
Cleveland 21
Arizona was able to keep their playoff hopes alive and Chaim was able to back off the ledge a bit. The Sultan of Stubble was serviceable and got the job done. We'll see how they do this week with Fitzgerald and Boldin banged up. Who are their backups? Bryant Johnson? David Boston? Roy Green?

New York Giants 21
Chicago 16
Well the first half was good. Someone should tell Rex Grossman that his receivers are in fact not 9 feet tall and he should perhaps not overthrow so much. Well at least the Bears are done cockteasing me in believing they could possibly sneak into a Wild Card spot.

Tampa Bay 27
New Orleans 23
Speaking of teams that blew their playoff hopes, the Saints probably saw their's go in the toilet after Devery Henderson fumbled an ugly toss from Reggie Bush late. Why was Sean Payton even going to a trick play in that sort of situation?

Pittsburgh 24
Cincinnati 10
The Steelers didn't struggle nearly as much in the rain this week as they were able to muster up more than a field goal to take down the Bengals.

New England 27
Baltimore 24
Wow. Baltimore pretty much did everything short of just handing the Patriots the ball while giving them a clear path to the endzone to ensure they'd lose that game. I was really torn with this game. Part of me wanted the Pats to finally lose, yet at the same time I can't stand the Ravens. Baltimore is now only 2 losses away from the 10-loss prophecy.

The Golden Nutcup Team
Wear it with pride fellas!

QB - Tony Romo, DAL (19-30, 309 yards, 4 TD)
RB - LaDainian Tomlinson, SD (177 yards, 2 TD)
WR - Hines Ward, PIT (11 catches, 90 yards, 2 TD)
WR - Reggie Wayne, IND (8 catches, 158 yards, 1 TD)
TE - Dallas Clark, IND (7 catches, 60 yards, 2 TD)
DEF - Carolina (14 points allowed, 6 sacks, 4 interceptions, 1 TD)


The Flaming Bag Team
Don't put them out with your boot, Harold!

QB - John Beck, MIA (177 yards, 0 TD, 3 interceptions)
RB - Detroit Lions Running Game (7 rushes, 23 yards, WOOOOO!)
WR - Darrell Jackson, SF (1 catch, 12 yards)
WR - Calvin Johnson, DET (1 catch 17 yards
TE - Antonio Gates, SD (1 catch, -1 yard)
DEF - Green Bay (37 points allowed, 0 sacks)

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