TMS Presents: The Best Movies of 2007

8:00 AM | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

Look ma, another superficial list. Leave it to the assholes here at TMS to clutter the interweb with a list of lists that we hope validate our own humble (ahem, arrogant and often misguided)opinions.

There is something oddly cathartic and empowering about making lists. In fact, it's so addictive that I often find myself using a ranking system for all facets of life. Try ranking friends and family members. Proceed to share this info with said family and friends. Highly underrated. The look on the face of #10 is worth the price of admission alone. Or listing the Top 10 Disappointments In Your Life. I found that it was hard to narrow that down to only 10.

Anyway, without further ado. My list is better than yours. My dad can also beat up your dad. Blah, blah, blah. If nothing else, we've given you some ideas as to how to waste those Best Buy gift cards you'll be getting from Grandma.

Lights, camera, AIDS!

Daft Funk - This list will make you want to hit the dance floor and drop some elbows.

1. No Country For Old Men
2. The Bourne Ultimatum
3. Superbad
4. There Will Be Blood
5. American Gangster
6. 300
7. Juno
8. The Lookout
9. Zodiac
10. Hot Fuzz (Coincidentally, this was Daft's nickname in high school)

Movies Daft Wishes He Would Have Seen: The Assassination of Jesse James By the Coward Robert Ford, Gone Baby Gone, Into the Wild, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, 3:10 To Yuma

Overrated: Transformers, Knocked Up

Underrated: Sunshine, The Hoax, Alpha Dog

Chaim Witz - Finally, a list you can make love to.

1. Once - 98% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a cult following that would make David Koresh blush. There is a reason for these things.

2. No Country For Old Men - A mainstream movie that doesn't pander to the lowest common denominator yet remains accessible to the masses. Scary as shit to boot.

3. The Darjeeling Limited - Overrated: People bitching about Wes Anderson movies being Wes Anderson movies. One of his best yet, this one gets even better with repeat viewings.

4. Juno - A charming, sweet comedy that is able to mine laughs from realistic situations instead of relying on the zany antics of the Frat Pack.

5. Zodiac - How many times can you say of a 2.5 hour movie, 'I wish it was longer?' Well played, coked out Robert Downey Jr. (is there any other kind of RDJ?) Well played.

6. The Bourne Ultimatum - Possibly the best entry of the trilogy, with or without the shaky cam.

7. Superbad - I laughed so hard that I got my period and then it got on some dude's pants! Ewwww!

8. Charlie Wilson's War - Phillip Seymour Hoffman delivers my favorite performance of the year. He's funnier than anything in Superbad or Knocked Up.

9. Knocked Up - Slightly overrated in the same way The 40 Year Old Virgin was, but still quite funny. Paul Rudd's presence, particularly in the dinner scene where he quotes 'Back to the Future' seals the deal.

10. 3:10 To Yuma - I bought a goddamn horse because of this movie.

10.5. The Kingdom - I believe it was this film that brought to prominence the phrase 'knock your dick in the dirt'.

Next Lucky Seven in Line: Live Free or Die Hard, The Simpsons Movie, Into the Wild, Sunshine, 28 Weeks Later, Ratatouille, Blades of Glory

Chaim Witz Made This List Without Having Seen: There Will Be Blood, American Gangster, Sweeney Todd, Michael Clayton, The Assassination of Jesse James

Guilty Pleasure: Disturbia, 300, Alien vs. Predator: Requiem (Horrible title, and no I haven't seen this yet. But shit, at least this one got an 'R' rating. Even the bad Predator movies are strangely watchable.)

Overrated: I Am Legend, Spiderman 3, Gone Baby Gone, The Lookout

Underrated: Breach, The Darjeeling Limited

Just Plain Terrible: Because I Said So, Transformers, Death Sentence, Resurrecting the Champ, The Number 23, I Think I Love My Wife, The Perfect Holiday

The 'I Would Never Eat Here' Awards, given to movies I don't need to see to know that they are more than likely terrible: Rush Hour 3, Beowulf, The Comebacks, Hostel Part II, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, License to Wed, Balls of Fury, Good Luck Chuck, Lions For Lambs, PS I Love You

Governor Gray Davis - This list hates all of the movies on Brant's list.

1. No Country for Old Men - No Country is the best movie the Coen Brothers have ever made. I can think of no greater compliment. Chigurh doesn't knock your dick in the dirt, he blows it off with a shotgun.

2. 28 Weeks Later - I'm officially on record in favor of movies about the rage virus that serve as political commentary on the mismanagement of the Iraq war.

3. Sicko - Sure the Cuban doctors were clearly peddling propaganda, but if the state of American health care doesn't disgust you, you won't be getting a Christmas letter from me next year.

4. American Gangster - Denzel is such a good actor he can win an Oscar for a bomb like Training Day. American Gangster shows you what he can do with a good role. My prediction: 5 Best Actor Oscars for Mr. Washington.

5. Black Snake Moan - What can I say? I'm a sucker for weird little films about religious boozing blues singers who hold Christina Ricci hostage in her underwear to cure her of nymphomania.

6. The Lookout - The Lookout takes a pretty standard bank heist story and peppers in a lot of new elements to produce a solid film.

7. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix - I pretty much blew my wad commenting on this one here.

8. The Bourne Ultimatum - This could have been top 5 without that god damn shaky cam nonsense.

9. Sunshine - People tell me the ending falls apart a bit. Yeah, I can't really argue. Brilliant first 2/3rds though.

10. Planet Terror - Robert Rodriguez' contribution to Grindhouse is actually the third Josh Brolin movie on this list and the second to feature zombies being hacked apart by helicopter blades. Its everything Death Proof wasn't: funny, action packed, and good.

Worst of 2007:

1. The Hitcher - So bad it became a War Criminal.
2. The Hills Have Eyes 2 - I went into this with zero expectations and still got let down.
3. The Number 23 - The fact that this steaming turd of a film is only the third worst of the year tells you how bad #1 and #2 are.
4. Alpha Dog - Sorry, I just can't buy the idea of people being scared of a tubby 18 year old played by Emile Hirsch.
5. Disturbia - I expected to see a bad remake of Rear Window. Instead I got a bad remake of The Burbs.

Lingering Bursitis -These movies all pair well with Scotch eggs.

1. No Country for Old Men
2. Knocked Up
3. The Lookout
4. Black Snake Moan
5. Zodiac
6. American Gangster
7. Breach
8. Hot Fuzz
9. The Simpsons Movie
10. Grindhouse

Honourable Mention: The Last Winter, Reign Over Me [where the fuck did Adam Sandler get serious acting chops?], Sicko

James regrettably informs us that he wasn't able to see The Bourne Ultimatum yet but hears good things on the streets of London.

Dave Thomas - Short and sweet, like his namesake's lovemaking skills.

1. No Country for Old Men
2. Juno
3. Knocked Up
4. Children of Men
5. American Gangster

Honorable Mentions: Ratatouille, Superbad, and 300

This list contains only 5 movies, one of them which was technically released last year. One can surmise that Dave must have been brutally murdered before he was able to complete his list.

Brant Brown - Brant was too busy sulking to see most movies released in 2007.



1. Knocked Up - Went to this with my 18 year old sister and my soon to be mother-in-law. Wow, talk about awkward.

2. The Darjeeling Limited - Not my favorite of the Anderson movies, but it's what I expected it to be.

3. Die Hard 4 - Totally unrealistic film, and a bit of a disappointment in the grand scheme of things. Still, it's Die Hard, and I consider myself a Die Hard scholar. Unrated version: Much better

4. Sunshine - As everyone will tell you, excellent until the last half hour, which brings it down to "very good" status.

5. Rescue Dawn - Similar qualms as Sunshine. F'ing great until the last twenty minutes, and no good movie should ever end in such a cheesy, happy, feel good way. Life is about misery. Happiness should not exist in Hollywood.

6. Oceans 13 - Another disappointing sequel. I'm not even convinced it was better than the sequel. Way too choppy, way too much going on, not enough time spent on certain characters in the ensemble.

7. Superbad - Pretty damn funny at times, and certainly better than any other dumb buddy movies of late.

8. Zodiac - Really good film, keeps up the suspense throughout, and Robert Downey Jr. is one of my favorite actors.

9. Blades of Glory - Really just another run of the mill Will Ferrell movie, until the magic of Flash's Theme graces the screen.

10. Fracture - I don't know, it was OK. I'm grasping at straws here, as I only saw 11 movies of 2007.

Biggest disappointment - Transformers. What a wreck of a movie. They botched this to hell from the beginning. Just retarded. I'd rather go to church than watch this movie again.

Brant would like you to know that he has not been able to see No Country For Old men yet, but that he's about 2/3 of the way through story, albeit in book format. One would also assume that he would be a fan of There Will Be Blood, what with Radiohead's guitarist scoring the movie and all.

The Hundley - This list is was hindered due to the refusal of Quad Cities cineplexes to show anything besides Wild Hogs.

1. There Will Be Blood - Although I have not seen this, Daniel Day-Lewis is my guy, and PTA does stuff that I like. This will no doubt be my favorite of the year.

2. No Country For Old Men - Funny how an odd ending can leave you in limbo. After reading the book, more made sense, and I appreciated the movie much more.

3. The Bourne Ultimatum - Speaking of books, this series follows the books about as well as a blind man in the dark. Still, I can't recall a more entertaining action/espionage film(s) in quite awhile.

4. Knocked Up - Good humor, fun to watch, tremendous outtakes, absolutely repulsive birthing vag shot.

5. Zodiac - A little long and drawn out, but I always have a soft spot for 'Based on a true story'

6. Rescue Dawn - I gotta have more Christian Bale

7. The Darjeeling Limited - Not Wes Anderson's best by a long shot, maybe his 3rd or 4th.

8. 1408 - Starting to make some reach picks now. I remember being sort of creeped out in this one.

9. The Number 23 - Not quite sure why everyone hated it, it wasn't unwatchable. It kept my attention.

10. Blades of Glory - I laughed a few times. Will Ferrell ad-libbed a bunch of this.

The Hundley would still like to one day enjoy the subtle pleasures of: 3:10, Pirates, Superbad, Into The Wild

Worst of 2007: 300, Stomp the Yard, Spiderman 3, Transformers

Chip Wesley - *Chip has at least one kid. Maybe two. Who can be sure? I believe at least one is illegitimate. That said, he gets to the multiplex about as often as Steven Hawking does the limbo. Thus, here is his belated 2006 list. On the positive side, it has been so long by now that you can probably find most of Chip's picks in the bargain bin at Wal Mart.

*Photo of American Gangster does not necessarily reflect the tastes of Chip Wesley as Chip is generally afraid of African Americans.

1. The Departed
2. Little Miss Sunshine
3. Children of Men
4. Thank You For Smoking
5. Casino Royale
6. V For Vendetta
7. The Prestige
8. Idiocracy
9. The Last King of Scotland
10. The Devil Wears Prada

Worst of 2007, in reverse order!

"Alright I haven't seen enough good 2007 movies to warrant making a 'Best of' list, but I have seen enough shitty ones to tell offer up a quick and dirty Worst of 2007.

5. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - They build things up like there's going to be this huge battle with all the different pirate ships and the British fleet, but it winds up just being a couple ships in a swirling vortex of doom with all the other ships sitting idly by watching the whole thing. The biggest CGI cocktease of all time. Also someone give Keira Knightley a scotch egg.

4. Music and Lyrics - Welcome to marriage fuckers, where you get roped into shit like this as payback for all the Cubs games I forced the wife to sit through. In actuality for chick flicks you could do worse. Plus I'm ashamed to admit there were some genuinely funny parts to this film, although Drew Barrymore looks like she hasn't showered in weeks throughout it.

3. Because I Said So - See first sentence of above movie. Horrible, transparent, cliched. Should I go on? The wife had already started playing the movie On-Demand and I opted to sit through it. Looking at Mandy Moore was quite enjoyable at least.

2. Mr. Brooks - Holy shit this was bad. This has earned a spot on my list next to Nothing But Trouble for most atrocious movies I've ever sat through. Dane Cook getting his throat sliced open by a shovel at the end is the only saving grace. See for yourself here.

1. Norbit & Delta Farce - I didn't see either of these movies nor did I have to, in order to state with the utmost confidence that both flicks are quite possibly the most god awful shit committed to celluloid in quite some time. For once it wasn't Thandie Newton ruining a movie (Her character and John Woo single-handedly ruined Mission Impossible 2), but Eddie Murphy in a fat suit. Seriously we don't care that you play 18 characters and wear fat suits. Larry the Cable Guy, please go away. Has anyone made more of a career from doing so little? I almost don't blame him as much as I blame the ignorant redneck assholes who actually think he's funny. "Hee hee, he said fart! Dat der sum funny shit man!"

*Note: Chip needs to calm down.

0 comments: