Bring The Funk To Chicago

June 16, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk

There are events that happen in one's lifetime that can only be described as epic and life-changing. Think The Beatles on Ed Sullivan. Think of The Rolling Stones at Altamont. Think the release of Nellyville (Do you remember where were you were?).

Mark down August 2, 2008 on your life calendars, good readers.

Mark it down as TMS Summit 2008.

In the past, there have been many times where we here at the Saloon have had mini-meetups. Over the last month or so, there have been several Cub games that served as meeting places for anywhere from 3-5 of us, but never has there been a time where all 8 of us bartenders have been able to meet up in the same place at the same time.

That time is (almost) here.

The first weekend in August, the city of Chicago will be rocked to its core. Chaim Witz and Dave Thomas already hold down the fort in The Windy City. Joining them will be our fearless leader, Chip Wesley, who will put his humanitarian effort in Iowa on hold to descend onto the city. The Hundley is going to take a break from stalking...err...cheering on Thunder Matt in Iowa as well. From the east, Lingering Bursitis will be making his way from New York to get his Wrigley Field cherry popped. Brant Brown and Governor Gray Davis will be leaving Orange County and all of its popped collars behind for some good old Chicago fun. There may even be a Tommy Buzanis sighting if he can find a place to park the Orifice Penetrator. The Pirates have no chance on August 2 with that much testosterone in the stands cheering the Cubs on.

And where will I be? Remember that "almost" 2 paragraphs back?

As of right now, I will be sitting at home watching the game on from my couch. You see, I am poor. Very, very poor. Blame it on the slow economy, or rising oil and gas prices, or my addiction to hardcore German pornography. The point is, as of right now, I don't have the cash to buy the ticket to Chicago to join the rest of the bartenders.

So this is where we turn to you, loyal fans. From now until the end of July, we're going to run a fundraiser of sorts to try to bring me to Chicago for the August 2 game at Wrigley Field. Usually we're opposed to begging for money (or at least, we say that to seem like we have dignity), but the fact that this may be the one and only time in TMS history that we have a chance to gather all of us in one place means that we're pulling out all the stops.

I know what you're thinking: Why should I turn over any of my hard earned money to you? I'm glad you asked.

Anyone that donates to the cause will get something cool, which I have yet to think of. Maybe I'll write you a thank you note. Maybe I'll compose a sonnet about your incredible generosity. Maybe I'll send you an autographed picture of myself. I'm sure I'll think of something. Plus, with all of the entertainment and breaking news we've brought you over our 2+ years for free, couldn't you spare a few bucks?

Another perk? We have things set up so that if we do raise the money to send me to Chicago, we will print it up as a giant check like the ones that people give to contest winners. Once I have the check, I will make a special post on TMS documenting my attempt to cash the giant check at various banks and liquor stores. How funny would that be?

Also, to help out the cause, we're selling a special shirt in the TMS store. All proceeds from the shirt will go toward our fundraising effort.

If you'd like to buy the shirt, you can do so here.

Hopefully I've convinced you and your families that you don't really need to buy that extra large pizza tonight and that the money can be used for better things, such as buying a poor boy a plane ticket. So how do you donate some scratch? We've got a Paypal account set up for you to send money to. So if you're feeling extra generous, send a few (hundred) dollars to our Paypal account at Not down with the whole Paypal thing? You can e-mail us at and we can work something else out.

We'll be doing updates throughout the next few weeks updating you on how we're doing in relation to our goal. So if you're in a giving mood over the next week or two, think of your good buddy Daft Funk. If you do and you're in the Wrigleyville area the weekend of ThunderSummit 2008, I'll even buy you a drink and let you kick me in the groin for fun.

And if your name is Paul Sullivan, I'll let you do it twice.

"Change? Chaaaange?"