Underrated: Randy Quaid

"Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!"

And thus, cinematic history was made. Those immortal words were uttered by the one and only Randy Quaid. Forever living in the shadow of his less talented brother Dennis, Randy is a comedic genius that must finally be celebrated. To quote imdb, "Randy Quaid has never been timelier." What does that mean? It means you need to get with the program. Today, we will look back on some of his comedy masterpieces (many of the highlights are on youtube if you're so inclined):

Vacation - 1983 - Quaid first lands on my radar when he hits a home run as Cousin Eddie, Clark Griswald's ne'er do well brother-in-law living in Kansas. Cousin Eddie gives us one of the great philosophical conundrums of our time when he says, "I don't know why they call this stuff Hamburger Helper, it does just fine by itself."

LBJ: The Early Years - 1987 - I never saw this, but the very thought of Randy playing LBJ brings a smile to my face. LBJ was famous for his shitter humor as well.

Christmas Vacation - 1989 - Cousin Eddie returns, this time rolling up in a dilapidated RV to spoil Clark's big family Christmas sporting a blue leisure suit. In addition to the shitter line, he also asks if he can salvage the chair the cat was recently fried in by fumigating it and kidnaps Clark's boss on Christmas Eve. Did you know they had to replace the metal plate in his head with a plastic one? With the metal one, every time his wife fired up the microwave he'd piss his pants and forget who he was for a half hour or so.

Major League II - 1994 - Quaid plays every obnoxious fan ever in this tepid sequel to the baseball classic. Vile thing, you make my butt sting! I detest you! You're all garbage, all of ya! Back up the truck, back it up!

Independence Day - 1996 - Remember how much ass this kicked when you were in high school? Well, if so, I advise you never to watch it again. Your memories will be ruined. Quaid plays an alcoholic farmer from California who claims to have been abducted by aliens years before. Even after the visitors obliterate all of our major cities, no one believes his story. Assholes. In the end, he only saves the human race...

Kingpin - 1996 - 1996 was a banner year for the Q man as he scored two huge hits. In this one, he plays an innocent Amish bowler taken advantage of by huckster Woody Harrelson. Hey everybody there's a shit cloud coming, run for your lives!!

Vegas Vacation - 1997 - After 8 long years, Cousin Eddie returns for a third time. This time he's living out in Nevada on some land the government used to test H-bombs on. There isn't a minute of screentime that passes without a Busch beer in his hand (with a couple more attached to his hip). Beyond that, it seems he's still having problems with the plate in his head: Every time I belch, the plate shifts and my legs give out. But man, what a view.

Not Another Teen Movie - 2001 - This entire movie is underrated. 5.4 on imdb? Give me a break. Randy plays the supportive father of Janey Briggs who nicknames his daughter "pumpkin tits" and says "if Janey wants to be a rug-muncher, that's her decision."

Brokeback Mountain - 2005 - Not a comedy you say? I remember laughing a lot. Yep, I'm immature like that. Quaid plays the guy who hires Jack and Ennis to uh, work, up on the mountain. After he catches them uh, not working, he offers up this gem: Twist, you guys wasn't gettin' paid to leave the dogs babysittin' the sheep while you stem the rose. Randy is now suing the producers saying they got him to work cheaply by promising the film would make no money. With Brokeback making $80 million plus at the box office, Randy wants his fair share.

As I said, these are only the highlights. Quaid has a long and varied career. While I am touting his comedic genius here, remember he also garnered an oscar nomination, has won a Golden Globe, and done a Reagan impersonation on Saturday Night Live. Hose down now kids! Chicken's almost ready!

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