The Resurrection of Cito Gaston

June 22, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Governor X

In 1997, two time World Series winner Cito Gaston was condemned, tortured and crucified by his evil Canadian overlords, The Toronto Blue Jays. On June 20th, 2008, a day that shall hereafter be celebrated around the globe, he resurrected.

To be blunt, this is the event all the world's major religions have been waiting for. The return of Cito Gaston marks the second coming of Jesus, the first coming of the Jew's savior, the coming of the Mahdi, and the rebirth of the Dalai Lama, even though the current one isn't dead yet. Cito has come to wash away your sins and punish the wicked. As I write this, he's not doing too well punishing the wicked of the AL, but I blame the pathetic army he has been given.

Nonetheless, the Canadian Empire is worried about this rabble rouser. Caesar Stephen Harper has instructed his legions to monitor Gaston and his Blue Jay followers and may yet have to order a second crucifixion. Stay tuned for further news.