College Football: End-Of-Season Awards

The regular college football season came to a close this past weekend...And the BCS selections have been made. But instead of discussing relevant college football issues in this post - like which teams got snubbed and which bowl games have the best match-ups - I'm going to do what I do best (apart from downing whiskey shots): Talk about completely useless crap. So without further ado, I give you my college football end-of-season awards.

The Kanye West "Take This, Haters!" Award: Nick Saban. Say what you want about his loyalty issues, but Saban is a pretty good college football coach (notice how I said "college football." We all saw what happened in Miami). After several years' worth of up-and-down seasons , Saban led the Crimson Tide to their first SEC title game since 1999 and a BCS berth. And this is only his second season as head coach. In short, Saban seems to have the team on a path to consistency. That is, if he doesn't bolt next year for another coaching job...

The "What The Hell Happened To You?" Award: Michigan Wolverines. I know this was supposed to be a rebuilding year, but holy crap! Rich Rodriguez's first season in Ann Arbor resulted in a 3-9 record (the worst season in school history). This broke their streak of 33 consecutive bowl appearances. And just to throw another turd in Michigan's punchbowl, this year also brought their first loss to a Mid-American Conference team ever. Some people claim that Michigan will improve once RiRod gets players that fit his offensive style...But until then, he's not in the Big House...He's in the Dog House...

Best Quarterback Name: Colt McCoy. Come on, you have to admit, that's a pretty bad ass name. Here's the way I see it: If Colt doesn't make it in the NFL, his name allows him to have 2 choices for a backup career...He can star in Westerns, or he can sell used cars.


The "1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers" Award:
Washington Huskies. They finished 0-12 (the worst football season in school history). They're the only winless Division 1-A team. They're the first 0-12 team in PAC-10 history. Do I need to say anything else?


The "Let Somebody Else Win For A Change" Award: Florida Gators. They won an NCAA championship in 2006...The BCS title in 2007...Another NCAA title in 2007...And now, after a one-year hiatus, they're back in the BCS title game. Come on, Gators! Ohio State had the decency to stop making it to title games...Why can't you? Besides, do we really want this guy to win another national title?


The "Oh Shit! I Actually Have To Play?!" Award: Kevin Craft, UCLA Bruins. After both the first and second-string quarterbacks got injured on THE SAME DAY, UCLA had no choice but to turn to junior college transfer Kevin "don't call me mac and cheese" Craft for the starting job. He gave Bruins fans a glimmer of hope after leading the team to a rousing upset over then-ranked Tennessee in the opening week of play, but after that, he pretty much played like we thought he would: He threw tons of picks, made questionable decisions on the field, and wasn't so hot when it came to moving around in the pocket. As a UCLA alum, Craft's season caused me to utter 7 words that I never thought I'd hear myself say: "I wish Ben Olson would get healthy."

The "You Taught Us To Dream" Award: East Carolina Pirates. After starting off the season 3-0 (with 2 of those wins coming against ranked teams), the Pirates seemed to be on their way to a Cinderella season. But unfortunately, they followed those 3 wins with 3 straight losses, thus ending their BCS hopes. However, they finished with a respectable 9-4 record, won the Conference USA Championship, and will play Kentucky in the Liberty Bowl. So I think it's safe to say that the Pirates did "Arrrrghhhhhh-right" this year.*

*editor's note: I am fully aware that the Pirate joke was completely lame.

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