The Worst Album Covers Of All Time: All-Crotch Edition

December 09, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Rich Funk

I'm well aware that the whole "Bad Album Covers" thing has been done before. Googling the phrase comes up with 43 million results. But just because it's been done doesn't mean it's still not funny. And considering the thousands and thousands of albums that came out in the 80's, which is considered by many to be the Golden Age of terrible album covers, there's always a chance that you'll run into some albums that you haven't seen somewhere else before.

Speaking of the 1980's, let's take some inspiration from the decade of decadence. Groins were huge in the 1980's. This is the decade that spawned the term "Cock Rock" as well as bringing us the movie Cocktail. So enjoy this list of crotch-centric terrible album covers that'll get you so excited, you'll have to tell passersby that "It's the pleats..."

Boned - Up At The Crack

Never mind the fact that Boned stole the font for their band name from AC/DC. Let's say you wandered into a record shop in the 1980's and saw this album. Would you be able to resist buying it. What if you saw it in a store in 2005? Seems even more awesome, right? Well despite what the artwork may make you think, this album was released just 3 years ago. There really isn't much to say about this album cover. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, but I think this album art only needs the 4 words that were mentioned in some kind of band meeting, a meeting I wish I could have been at: "Guitar For A Cock".

(NOTE: Don't forget to visit Boned's website to download your free MP3's of such timeless classics as "Loaded On Love" and "Ain't No Talkin' With Your Mouth Full".

Pooh-Man (M.C. Pooh) - Funky As I Wanna Be

I'd like to think that Pooh-Man was the first pioneer rapper to decide that one name isn't enough (Say thanks, Puff Daddy). So what exactly is he doing in this album cover? Is he searching for a new name? Did he drop his cell phone in there?

More that...Shaq?!?

Boxer - Below The Belt

Another album that looks like it should have been released in the 1980's. Sadly, this one was a bit before its time, coming out in 1975. I can only assume that it was inspired by one Ron Burgundy. It's one thing to tell a woman that you're going to punch her in the ovaries, a straight shot right to the baby-maker. It's another to slap a depiction of it on an album cover for the dozens of people that are going to buy it to see.

Two Anchorman references in one day? Looks like my job is done.