Cubs Condemned By Church Group

January 27, 2010 | Comments (3) | by Wolter

Oh good. Another redhead. The site is saved. After learning that the Chicago National League Base-Ball Club signed Chad Tracy to a minor league contract, the National Council of Churches condemned the organization for ethical transgressions.

According to an NCC spokesperson, the Chicago Cubs were guilty of "playing God," when they combined the DNA of poor fielding former Cub and Ginger Spokesmodel Matt Murton with the DNA of poor hitting former Cub and War Criminal Aaron Miles, to create an amalgamation that "stands as a mockery to the laws of both Nature and Our Lord. An OPS of .695 on a man whose primary position is first base is nothing short of Sinful."

The Cubs fired back with a press release, which began: "Dude, the guy was a pretty good hitter a few years ago. Give us a damn break," and concluded "it's not like God has done any favors for us up to now."


Arcturus @ 9:19 AM, January 27, 2010

"It's not like God has done any favors for us up to now."

Man, ain't that the sad truth.

Dr. Moreau @ 9:23 AM, January 27, 2010

It would've been better if you also combined him with a tiger. Or maybe swiss cheese, a piece of chalk, and a beard.

Harrie Carrie @ 9:24 AM, January 27, 2010

Chad Tracy has a girl's first name for his last name. Incredible!