Unemployed Blogger Watches Lost for the First Time

January 06, 2010 | Comments (0) | by White Chili

Since the launch of the show Lost on ABC, I've been strongly encouraged by friends and enemies alike to start watching. Things began to get ugly until I finally gave in, due to lack of alternatives and a general coldness outside. In order to finish the 101 episodes before the premiere on Feb 2nd, I'll need to average 4 episodes per day. Hulu has posted every single episode online so I'll be watching them, alone, in my darkened apartment on my aging computer. I'll be writing up a little play-by-play as I watch and posting it here for all to enjoy. Let the insanity begin!

Season 1, Ep. 1

Dog shows up. Dog runs away. Disoriented guy with scratches on his face finds booze in his pocket. So far this is like me on a Tuesday. Evidence of some type of "plane" crash. LOUD NOISES. Hot girl in skirt. Seems like a pretty nice day out. Guy screaming for help. Pregnant girl on the beach. It's Go Time! Guy gets sucked into the engine. Fat guy looks like Raggedy Anne. KABOOM! Hobbit is unfazed.

Jack is hurt. Hurt real bad. He's got a tattoo, like Chaim. It's sewing time! Fear something something. These two like each other. Like like. F-A-T-E. Hot girl is kind of a bitch. Raggedy Anne is eating all the rations from the plane. Raggedy Anne will now be called Milhouse. The front and the back of the plane are missing. Smoke in the valley. Probably not important. Some pretty loud noises in the jungle and the trees are going crazy.

Back on the plane. Just a little turbulence, everything is fine. Just the masks, everything will be fine. Kate just stole that guy's Jordans! Kate and Charlie don't know each other...OR DO THEY? Charlie is in Drive Shaft. There's that damn dog again. The trees do not like the rain. Hello front of plane. How are you today? Pilots were in the cockpit. Not anymore. One pilot is alive. Transceiver! What's that sound? What's right outside? The dog? Is the dog right outside? OK nowwww the pilot is out of the cockpit. Running and then the 1-5 fear thing. Got it. Bloody pilot up in the tree.

Rub some dirt on it, pussy

Season 1, Ep. 2

Transceiver is still busted. Charlie death stare. Back to the plane. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Ah, drugs. Shockingly, the plane breaks apart again.

Ever seen a Hobbit...ON WEED?

Hot girl is sunbathing. I do not mind. Pregnant girl looks like she's thinking of sunbathing. I mind. Asian girl finally says something to the guy from the crappy Matrix movies. Oh the DOG belongs to the KID! It's the KID's DOG!

Smear the queer on the beach. Sayid and Milhouse are friends. Transceiver might work from the mountain. It will not work. Ha, yeah, the big guy needs some food. Charlie is trippin' balls. Hot girl is named Shannon. Shannon. I'm making a prediction now: the guy smoking all the time was the one that did it.

The "two players, two sides, one is light, one is dark" speech is important. Kid, don't listen to the crazy man who wants to tell you a secret.

Shouldn't pregnant women avoid shellfish? The "thing" is chasing the group in the jungle again. GUN! POLAR BEAR! What?

Down goes Milhouse! So KATE is the criminal. That's probably important. And Jack is working on the cop. Sayid has a bar! Something else is transmitting? Iteration 17294532. "Please help me, please come get me. I'm alone now, on the island alone. The other are dead. It killed them. It killed them all." It's been playing for 16 years and 5 months.


Tune in tomorrow afternoon for the next bunch.