Chaiming In

August 31, 2006 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

  • The Cubs got swept by the Pirates. No joke needed. Just crickets.
  • Dusty Baker has proven without a shadow of a doubt that he can't develop young players. I refuse to believe that all of our rookies suck, but lately it sure does look that way. Compare the Cubs youngsters to those of our cellar dwelling pals, the Pirates from Pittsburgh. If you're a Pirate fan (all twelve of you), you have to feel pretty good about the progress of Ian Snell, Tom Gorzelanny, Jose Bautista, Matt Capps and hell, even Chris Duffy. The Cubs? I mean honestly I don't see any of our young pitchers putting together enough solid performances to get me excited. Marmol, Guzman, Marshall, Mateo and Hill have all had their moments, but under the Dusty regime I just don't see any of them developing to anything more than number 4 or 5 starters. To quote Sheryl Crow, 'a change will do ya good.' Holy shit, I just quoted Sheryl Crow. On the offensive side, we have our hero, Thunder Matt, quietly coming into his own (no thanks to Dusty), but Ronny Cedeno is languishing on offense and looking like Yankees-era Chuck Knoblauch on defense. And can we please stop playing Freddy Bynum?
  • Chien-Ming Wang has 16 wins. Who knew? I have him on my main fantasy team and even I had no idea!
  • The WNBA Finals are taking place. Record ratings in the always key 35-48 year old lesbian demo.
  • Snakes on a Disappointment. A renter. Instead, see Little Miss Sunshine, the little indie comedy that could. Who knew that an indie comedy would also be the summer's biggest crowd pleaser? "No one gets left behind!" After this and the criminally ignored The Matador, Greg Kinnear has certainly risen above 'that guy from Talk Soup' status. And if you don't think Steve Carell is funny, chances are you're in Al Qaeda.
  • So I was watching Sportscenter tonight (I know, I know) and Stuart Scott breaks out the whole 'he drinkin' Hatorade' line. Uh, pretty sure that phrase was played out in 2002. I am quite possibly the whitest man alive and even I know that no self respecting black man ever dares utter that phrase in 2006. I've actually seen people on the streets savagely beaten for uttering that phrase, while passersby look on, nodding in approval. Hatorade? Is he gonna make a 'He Hate Me' joke too? Are we going XFL here? Jesus!
  • Random raves: Butch Walker, avocado, uncomfortable silences, goat cheese, the 'Applebees scene' in Talladega Nights, the new Pete Yorn CD, reading at night, Ron and Pat's off subject banter during blowouts, margaritas, room service, tv shows on DVD, the president of Iran's ever-present tan jacket, good improv, great white sharks, Countdown with Keith Olbermann.
  • Random Rants: Kevin Federline, You Tube, Curb Your Enthusiasm jumping the shark (loved the first three seasons, but the last two have really been subpar. They have their moments, but the whole Producers storyline in Season Four was gay and Season Five appeared to be just going through the motions, save for "The Seder" and "The Korean Bookie" episodes. Guess it still beats "Two and a Half Men"), communists, Emmy voters, celebrity gossip blogs, the worst basketball movie of all time - Crossover (the unintentional humor is off the charts...Wayne Brady as the evil agent with a goatee...remember goatees and/or smoking makes characters evil!), people who drink PBR because it's trendy-it tastes like piss! it tastes like piss!, people walking into a theatre a half hour or more into the movie, fast food, America's Got Talent, the Jon Benet Ramsey case, not getting paid overtime, getting swept by the Pirates.