A Thunder Matt Movie Minute Presents: The Governor's Periodic Movie Recap

TV is a disaster and I require a diversion from the otherwise dreary life of the working man, so I watch a pantload of movies. I want to share with you my thoughts on some of the better ones I've seen recently. While its by no means as ambitious as Chaim's Summer Movie Preview and it lacks the contributions of Mr. Buzanis (I still haven't forgiven him for that unpleasantness in Havana - don't ask) and Mr. McDonald (I rang him, but his phone is disconnected), I'm sure you will find it rich and compelling. Enjoy:

28 Weeks Later
I loved, LOVED 28 Days Later. Danny Boyle is probably the finest filmmaker out there that most people couldn't name and he created a masterpiece. Because of that, I was both excited and fearful of the sequel. Not only can sequels be sketchy, it was directed by someone else.

My fears were unfounded. 28 Weeks Later manages to be almost an entirely different movie while remaining true to the original. As you may have guessed, it has plenty of savage attacks by "the infected" to satisfy your most carnal needs. On top of that though, it brings some heavy issues to the table. For one, you've got to decide whether the infected or the US Army, who with their sound planning and tactics are clearly still under the command of W, are the bigger villain. I can't really discuss any of the plot without giving it away, and I don't want to spoil it for you.

Rating: Five infected out of a possible five.

Apocalypto
As any reader of Thunder Matt's worth his salt knows, few things entertain me more than Mel Gibson's insanity. When I heard he was making another historically inaccurate epic in a language no one can understand, I knew I was in for a treat.

While the film does absolutely nothing to convince me Gibson isn't mad as a fucking hatter, it is, shockingly, a good movie. It starts with some natives on a pig hunt and the innocent fun of one brother convincing the other to eat the testicles (if you listen closely, you can learn how to say "ball breath" in Mayan). Before long, the savage Mayans roll into town and the throat slashings and beatings begin in earnest. They start their long march to the Mayan city to be sacrificed, encountering a leper girl along the way who ominously warns the decadent Mayans that they are headed for a fall. Once they're in the Mayan city, bring on the severed heads! I could go on, but you get the idea.

Rating: Four sugartits out of a possible five (I can't give a movie with this many half naked indians a flawless rating.)

The Good Shepherd
While I love spy movies, I was skeptical of this one too. The ads seemed to suggest Angelina Jolie's insane wife character would be a major figure. If you want to pussify a movie, throw in an unnecesary jilted wife.

I should have known Robert DeNiro wouldn't let me down. The Good Shepherd is a good, thorough telling of the origins of the CIA. All the intrigue and weird code names you can hope for are delivered here. Jolie's character is pretty minor and fits into the story properly. Joe Pesci makes his first film appearance in eight years too, playing an Italian mobster (go figure). In addition to the CIA stuff, if this doesn't make you suspicious of the Skull & Bones, nothing will.

Rating: Five unethical CIA assassinations out of five.

The Curse of the Golden Flower
You either like these Chinese movies or you don't. I do. Even if you don't care for these films, you may like a good old fashioned Shakespearian tale of backstabbing and lust for power.

Every main character in this movie is plotting something. Again, I don't want to spoil it by giving too many details, but you've got incest, implied incest, uber-secrecy, and all that sweet backstabbing I mentioned earlier. Unlike two of the other Chinese flicks you may know, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and The House of Flying Daggers, no one flys in this one. There are some awesome shots of mercenaries that appear to be flying at first glance, but you'll see this isn't the case.

Rating: Five bowls of kung pao shrimp out of five.

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