SUPER TUESDAY DRUNKBLOG: 10pm - 11pm

10.00 -- Oh my lordy lord. We've moved to BBC America, and my roommates are laughing in my face. This is going to be a long hour, if we make it that far.

No-one on this channel pronounces anything like they do. This is hilarious. The new drinking game rules involve drinking games whenever anyone says anything typically "English".

10.05 -- Drink for anything droll that is said. The BBC Correspondent at the Romney camp is a midget stood on phonebooks. Romney's party HQ is playing U2's "Vertigo". I hate him more than I thought I ever could. Fuck Bono, and fuck that song.

HELLLOOO HELLOOOOOO
I'M AT A PLACE CALLED VERTIGO
IT'S EVERYTHING I WISH I DIDN'T KNOW
EXCEPT YOU GIVE ME SOMETHING I COULD FEEEEEEL
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL

Here's the video. Watch it, and then drink a gallon of paint thinner.

10.09 -- Unsurprisingly, BBC America is killing it on actual campaign coverage so far. In the first 10 minutes, we've seen no pundits, heard no bullshit, and just listened to campaign speeches. They're dry, like week-old turkey. And yet, they're a hell of a lot better than the douchebag combover crew that strut around MSNBC like guys who won HS football state titles, and never played again.

Huckabee is talking. He looks like that uncle we all have, the well-dressed one who tells PG-13 stories around the dinner table. I have no idea what this means. I'm just glad that I can't vote.

10.15 -- BBC America has some sweet techno music during their intro/outro music. This wins points.

What loses them points was the Kenny G promo during the last ad break. They can fucking burn in hell for that.

10.17 -- Finally, a delegate count! Eat shit, American news! This is why I read the BBC website and don't watch any of your crap! BECAUSE YOU TELL ME NOTHING! NOOOOTHING!

10.18 -- Philipa Thomas and the worst mustache/tie combo ever in history, on some idiot sat next to her. Name in a minute. Hopefully a picture too. This guy should be a failing magician somewhere.

His name is.......Larry Sabato from the University of Virginia. For any students at that college: SCHEDULE CLASSES WITH HIM IMMEDIATELY. He will rock your faces like your significant other never could.

10.23 -- One of the best things about being English is the ability to sound condescending in such a casual fashion. Our perceived superiority is so glorious, as it's thrown into conversation or speech with such little fanfare that it almost slips by, almost like Kevin Nealon's Subliminal Man. He just referred to America's system as being "rather archaic". And you know what? He's dead fucking right.

The BBC guy thinks he's gonna score an interview with Mitt Romney after the break, who is "having an awful campaign day so far".

BBC America: telling it like it motherfucking is. God Save the Queen!

10.32 -- Kim Ghattas. Get some! She's sexier than a dog's rear end.

Romney's HQ is playing "A Little Less Conversation," which is hilarious, but that's exactly what politicians are not good at.

Romney is now talking a lot of bullshit, which is also common for people in his profession. He's doing a good job of saying lots of stuff that doesn't mean anything, much like me in this series of liveblogs.

10.36 -- I miss Campbell Brown. Where is she? I want her back. I long to serenade her with butterfly kisses and sweet clitoral delight. Maybe I'll switch back to CNN when no-one's looking, and revive my imagined love affair.

A fellow bartender just informed me that she was recently pregnant. I do not care. She gave birth a few weeks ago, and she's surely in good enough shape to succumb to my lust. Sorry newborn, those tits are mine now.

In the meantime, Mitt Romney's still talking. I can't stand it. The woman right behind his head needs to stop waving that fucking flag around.

10.41 -- Mitt Romney never changes his speech. He also loves to use the glorious speech device that is epistrophe. He's really good at it. Shame that the things he says are annoying and meaningless.

10.43 -- Time for a 15-minute break! We're all flagging a little bit, so it's time to shotgun a beer and listen to Rage Against the Machine for a quarter-hour.

As for results? Fuck if I know what's actually happening. Go to CNN.com. Maybe they have more pictures of Campbell Brown there.

Shit, I might just do the same! See you at 11, when we maybe go back to CNN, and I can continue this weird, non-sequitur discussion of Campbell Brown's statuesque beauty!

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