Underrated/Overrated: Countries Edition

Underrated

The Netherlands: The Netherlands is a weird little country protected by dykes. But you knew that. You also know they have legalized drugs because if you're reading this, you're probably unemployed and smoke large amounts of pot. That isn't why The Netherlands is underrated though. Frankly, I don't care about that. The Netherlands is underrated for one reason: The Dutch. These people are fucking nuts. Freeways have lanes that arbitrarily close and re-open by computer, they colonized Aruba, and their most famous countryman cut his ear off and mailed it to a hooker. The Dutch language itself sounds like a camel clearing its throat. I dare anyone not to laugh the first time they hear spoken Dutch.

France: Everything bad you've heard about France is a lie. Because we're afraid of foreign things, America has decided its appropriate to hate the French. How dare they be proud of their culture and not work 60 hours a week?!?!?! Being proud of your culture is clearly wrong...unless its American culture. France is a spectacular place. A laziness I can truly identify with permeates the entire country. At the first hint of someone wanting them to work more than 35 hours a week or take away some of their lengthy vacation time, the country goes on strike - all of it. The French themselves? Actually nice people - most of whom speak English. Where the image of the rude Frenchman comes from I'll never know. One final note that I can't stress enough...French women look good and dress slutty. Thats a combination that can't be beat.

Nauru: You don't even know where this place is. I'd say that makes them underrated. Nauru boasts large phosphate deposits and their parliament building looks like a Holiday Inn. Take that Angola!

Overrated

Belgium: In that anyone, at any point in history has said anything positive about Belgium, its overrated. What a miserable little country this is. So close to the glorious chaos of The Netherlands, yet so far away. Antwerp looks like the Nazis bombed it last night and there are no visible street markings at all in Brussels. To add to the complication of unmarked streets, no one in Brussels knows where anything is either. It doesn't really matter that you can't find anything since there is nothing to do or see anyway. Belgium is so boring, they made a movie about it. Belgium offers nothing to the world other than "mussel fries" (seen here in all their disgusting glory). This place needs to get a job!

Ireland: I have to ask. What is the American obsession with Ireland? Its a country based on potatoes, Catholic guilt, and subjugation to the British crown. Sure, lots of Americans have ancestors that came from there, but they seem to forget those ancestors were so desperate to get out they were willing to come here and deal with anti-Irish bigotry at the turn of the 20th century. Cold weather, Guinness, and sheep. No thanks.

United States: This overrated ranking only applies to us for the following time period: January 20, 2001 to January 20, 2009.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I Can't believe you would say that about a country. I am not from Belgium but go there frequently. The food is AMAZING and Belgium has the same if not more Michelin Star restaurants than France does and rivals French cuisine. You must have only traveled by rail to Brussels as Brussels is a lovely city, as is Antwerp, Gent, Hasselt, Knokke and Brugge( to name a few)! The people are cultural and open, speak many languages unlike the Americans and know how to have a good time. I have lived in the Bahamas most of my life where people are friendly,worked in Curacao with the Dutch, am German and although Germany is lovely the people often need getting used to and lived in Canada for a while which is great. Out of all those places I would go back to Belgium in a heartbeat! Talk about the Dutch language you might not have heard the terrible accent of the southern states in the US at times.
Maybe before banning a place you give it a real good try and tell me where you have ever seen a better manicured lawn of all houses in a community than in Belgium- cause I haven't!