USA - Mexico Soccer Live Blog

Okay, welcome. It’s another live blog. That dirty ol’ mother, Lingering Bursitis certainly left a tough act to follow. Sadly, I have no drinking games set. I’m a bit grumpy today. I shoveled more snow today than I did all of last winter. It’s certainly a trying time to live in the Midwest. Tonight follows the International “friendly” between the USA and Mexico. As the aging and waistline expanding Mexican star Cuahtemoc Blanco has stated, “I don’t play in any ‘friendlies’, and certainly not against the US”. It’s on.

Why a soccer post? Well, I think we posted one a few months (years?) back, to a rousing reader reaction. I think it got two posts from people who aren’t TMS bartenders. I’ll admit right now, I have not been drinking, nor do I plan on getting drunk. I get too riled up in this rivalry as it is, and I don’t want to end up throwing my laptop. Aight den.

The US has come out debuting a new jersey. Gone is the white with the off-centered stripe. I always found that a classic look. I’m not so sure about these new ones, they kind of look like skinny Michelin Men. Although we certainly have done much worse. And who can forget these? Enough of that, I’m no Paul Lukas…

0:00 Is Julie Foudy good looking? I’m not sure. Depends on the angle, the lighting, the outfit - she’s a lot like Rachel Ray in that regard. She does have her some big UFC fighter-like jowls on her. Better have Sen. Specter question her for HGH.

0:00 What a surprise, the Houston crowd appears to be overly pro-Mexico. The broadcast is generously estimating it’s 20% USA fans. Not so sure about that. Over 70,000 total.

0:00 Yes! We get John Harkes and JP Dellacamera for announcers. SOOO much better than O’Brien and Wynalda. Trust me, this is a good thing. Ooops! We also have Pedro Gomez outside. Isn’t he supposed to be hiding in Barry Bonds bushes?

0:00 A promo on Landon Donovan? Get out of town! It’s hard to like the guy, but it’s hard to ignore his past exploits against Mexico. We’ll pile on and call him Landycakes from here on out…

0:00 What is the deal with that salute Mexicans do during their anthem? It looks like something a fascist regime would endorse.

0:00 USA’s anthem being played. I can’t tell if there’s any booing. It’s happened in the past, and in Mexico, the crowd chanted “OSAMA!” at the US fans. Class!

0:01 AND WE’RE UNDERWAY!

2:10 Hard foul by Clark. The first of many? To be sure

3:15 All of the play at the bottom of the screen is behind the score crawl. Annoying.

3:45 First decent chance, Bautista from Mexico can’t convert. Mexico is controlling the action

4:30 Shaq passed his physical. Was donut eating one of the activities?

7:59 Convey oles a Mexican defender, takes a dive, gets the call. Hands down the worst part of soccer. Probably a reason why its not big with casual US sports fans.

8:55: Scoring op for the US off a horrible service by Landycakes. Blocked easily by Marquez.

10:45 US is playing their typical “Bradleyball” – slow and methodical, content to try and counter-attack.

12:20 Rafa Marquez may play for the big Euro club, Barca, but he’s still a pansy and looks like a homo with his headband. Can you tell he’s my favorite?

14:14 I wish Marquez’s fellow cheapshot artist, Oswaldo Sanchez was in goal for Mexico. It’d be another person for me to hate on. Girlfriend of Hundley (GOH) has already said I’m being too negative. Oooh! The new goalie has a queer headband too! Que bonita!

15:45 Altidore with a nice op! But pretty boy Marquez goes down after being breathed on. Nice to see Altidore getting a start at such a young age (18).

16:45 A chip into the US box and Howard makes a leaping save and has a nasty collision with Bocanegra. Looks like Boca took a nasty elbow to the face. For once, a player is down on the ground and writhing in pain when it appears to be legit.

18:50 Bocanegra is okay and back on the field. That’s good, he’s a pivotal part of the defense and one of the better players on the US. His name also translates to Black Mouth. I’m not sure what to think of that, but this comes to mind

19: 59 Free kick for Mexico is headed away easily. Howard is flipping out, as goalies usually do. If you did this to your teammates in any other sport you’d get thumped.

21:10 Bradley gets deeked by Salcito and puts a good shot on goal, saved easily by Howard.

21:45 And another shot on goal by Mexico! Saved again. Mexico continues to control.

22:51 A backheel shot by Bautista! Blocked. A follow up and blocked out of bounds. Corner kick for Mexico.

24:21 Sloppy play by the US, they can’t seem to string together a good possession.

25:14 Have you guys been reading http://unprofessionalfoul.blogspot.com yet? It’s LB’s other blog. No, I do not have a mancrush on LB. Fellow barkeep Brant Brown has taught me that it’s okay to hate everyone and most things in life as well.

26:00 Mexico has new uni’s. It seems they didn’t use color guard because they’re a pale green. Pretty ugly, they look like generic jerseys you’d get at Walmart. Can you tell the game’s uneventful thus far?

26:50 Hard shot on goal by Dempsey. Pitiful chance, easily saved. At least it’s a shot.

28:00 Corner for the US after a nice run and pass by Landycakes. And they get nothing.

28:48 GOAL BY ONYEWU!!! After a throw-in by Gooch, Landycakes served a high volley and Onyewu went far post – off the post. Good to be as tall and athletic as Gooch! 1-0 USA

28:49 GOH makes a screaming shriek. “He can use his head?” I’m speechless. I’m also wondering why I’ve never heard that exhilarated scream in bed. Back to the game…

31:23 The US definitely look charged up by the score as they now are playing more aggressively.

33:02 Hard foul by the US. Free kick to Mexico, dangerously close, just off the corner of the 18.

33:58 MEXICO GOAL by Magallon off the free kick. It looked to hit the top bar. Official says it’s good. Moor got beat with a header to the back. Beautiful service. Probably could have been headed in by Bautista as well. Tie game 1-1

36:47 Another GREAT chance for Mexico! Stopped by Howard. Very close.

37:21 Salcido makes a rough tackle on Landycakes. Salcido gets a yellow card.

38:12 Now Mexico is charged up, bringing on strong attacks and keeping in their half, they keep dropping haymakers, Howard punching them away!

39:12 GOAL FOR ALTIDORE! A patented counter-attack in the Bradleyball philosophy. A great service by Moor and Altidore headed the ball past the frozen keeper. Altidore gets his first goal for the National Team. 2-1 USA

40:28 Back and forth! Howard makes another great save.

41:08 GOAL FOR DEMPSEY!! Wait, no it wasn’t they called it off. Offsides? Foul? No explanation…I suspect the Soviets are somehow involved.

42:11 Pardo gets a free kick for Mexico and his service is saved easily by Howard. Howard throws the normal goalie temper tantrum after grabbing it. Please stop. I may resort to Tourette’s jokes, Tim.

44:38 Sweet move by Altidore, turned away. Altidore has looked good so far when he touches the ball, which hasn’t happened enough.

46:01 Hard foul by Bradley, he gets a yellow card. Looks frustrated from his subpar play so far.

HALFTIME


Official told coach Bradley that Dempsey’s goal was disallowed due to offsides. What? No fucking way! Now I’m suspecting French interference. The US leads by a goal but were outplayed through much of the first half. Not a huge surprise, that’s how most of the US/MEX matchups have gone for the last few years. US has once again taken advantage of counter-attacks. Got into the suds more than I thought, put down 3 thus far. High Life bottles (snow hindered my normal game ritual of Sierra Nevada. My fingers are hurting from my hunt-and-peck typing. How did Lingering Bursitis do this for 4 hours? Madness.

45:20 I just noticed that Mexican midfielder Bautista has a white headband on as well AND he has dyed blond hair. Probably a Ricky Martin fan.

46:58 GOAL BY MEXICO. Magallon with an easy header coming off a set play. The US has been horrible on set plays. And we’re supposed to be better on those. Tied up 2-2

49:11 Altidore gets tackled hard…and gets up immediately. Refreshing.

50:26 GOH: “Do they get to keep the ball if it goes into the stands like baseball?”

51:21 Jesus Christ! We look awful. Mexico keeps pouring it on. How do you say ‘blitzkrieg’ en espanol?

52:29 Altidore with a shot! Headed wide, but still making something happen. The Haitian immigrant is making the most of his shot.

53:36 Howard makes a save and kicks the ball away as he’s tackled. A slight scrum ensues as Howard throws a backhanded swipe. It’s getting intense…

54:59 Another big shot from Arce. The Mexican fans are going nuts. Their fucking plastic horns are beyond annoying. Think thundersticks are bad? Multiply it by 5.

57:00 Bobby Convey is out of his league. He’s getting eaten up.

58:05 Great move by Bautista, and Clark fouls him. Another free kick for Mexico as they use a sub. Save made by Howard.

59:55 Bautista is killing us, killer back heel, nice shot on goal, deflected out for a corner. US defense is looking shaky

61:00 Freddie Adu and Benny Feilhaber warming up on the side as the US thwarts another Mexican attack. Subs come in. Bradley and Dempsey are out. 2 teens in for the US with Adu and Altidore.

63:15 The Mexican subs are wearing the headbands as well. I can’t hear, but I think they’re jamming to Enrique Iglesias and speaking in lisps.

65:56 Better ball control by US, but they’re not doing anything with it.

67:01 A headbanded sub comes on for Mexico (Cacho).

68:46 Gooch gets a yellow for a soft tackle. On the heels of getting beaten by Cacho. Free kick from 30 yards.

69:42 Convey thankfully comes off. Eddie Lewis in, he looks like he’s 48. Bautista is off for Mexico, Zinha in.

70:30 Pretty boy Marquez hits the free kick wide left. Another Mexican sub in, this one with a normal headband. Dos Santos.

71:48 GOH is wondering why so many Mexican players have dyed hair. I bite my tongue.

73:20 Corner for the US. Landycakes is wearing orange shoes. Why?

75:33 Altidore draws a yellow for a string of hard fouls. We look frustrated. Where is Donovan?

78:36 Morris Edu on for the US as the US get a free kick from deep. Decent op, offsides US

84:19 Typical soccer move. A Mexican defender goes down, a stretcher is brought out, and he miraculously gets up and runs off. Absolutely amazing. We haven’t even gotten to the miracle “cold” spray yet.

87:04 This one looks to be heading for a draw. Booo.

88:00 Bad foul by Corrales, just outside the corner of the box. Yellow card. Dangerous free kick here with how we’ve been struggling. Perhaps we’re distracted by the headbands?

92:45 Great play from Adu, drawing a yellow card from a Mexican defender. Free kick. Last chance?

93:25 Landycakes service was headed away as the final whistle blows. You know what else blew? The US offense.

I’m not sure much can be taken from the game in the positive category. Well, Altidore did impress in his starting debut, but the US didn’t have the ball enough in the offensive half. Pedro Gomez is interviewing Mexican hero, Magallon, who is saying it’s a moral victory for Mexico. I would concur.

Thank God we’re getting close to baseball season.

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