The Gist, Game #9

April 10, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

Cubs defeat the hapless Buccos 7-3 in 9 gloriously short innings.

I'll keep this short and sweep. I mean sweet. (Biting finger seductively) Or do I?

Rich Hill struggled today. Much as Theo 'I Only Have One Facial Expression. Who Am I Paul Walker?' Lilly did the day before. Damn lefties, always screwing things up.

Thank God for Jon Lieber. Never thought I'd actually type that sentence. Lieber came in to slam the door. Or at least close it gently, since the kids were sleeping. Then Kerry Wood, newly shaved, came in for a little 'work'. It was a non-save situation, so Kerry Wood's closerbeard had the night off.

Gabby Hartnett went 4-5 with a long dong. I don't even think that it's legal for catchers to get 4 hits in a game. Seriously, there is law on the books. He might want to go into hiding for while, give Hank White and his seductive arm tattoo a few games behind the plate.

This game was a foregone conclusion before the first pitch, as Matt Morris was taking the mound for the Pirates. I just checked with some statistician friends of mine and they told me (a Thunder Matt exclusive!) that he's the worst pitcher of all-time. Take it the bank.

I missed a half hour of the game due to the return of The Office. (Thunder Matt is clearly the 'Toby' of the Cubs.) But with Jon Lieber on the mound, the game was never really in doubt, now was it? I vote Lieber for low level political office in 08'. I encourage you to do the same.