The Gist

April 04, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

The Cubs got off the schnide and finally won today, thus preventing the sky from actually falling.

We got 6IP, 1ER and 5K's from Ryan Dempster, who I truly believe, when the dust finally settles, is going to be our second best starter (from Chaim Witz's mouth to your ears), behind the caffeine-addled Chazz Zambrano.

After a bruising home plate collision and ensuing errant throw gave the Brewers a brief 2-0 lead, the Cubs came back and plated two of their own courtesy of a double by KFuk (who also had a steal), a single by MDR and a sac fly by the man who will finally make us forget Rick Wilkins, the man, the myth, the legend, Geovany Soto. A-Ram got into the act in the 5th, contributing a solo dong for his first hit of the season. The next inning, after RBI's by Alfie and The Riot, the Cubs were in cruise control, as Dempster was...wait for we go...straight ballin'.

Kerry Wood and his new kickass beard come in the ninth to nail it down. That slider makes lesser men shit their pants while batting. 6-3 Cubs. I cracked an Old Style. Or was it a can of Bret's Brew? I can't remember.

I listened to a good portion of this game on the radio while being driven to the airport (I love that readers are like, 'Why the fuck does he have a driver?') and I got into a brief tiff with my driver, Pubes, about Ronny Santo. Pubes, see, is a lifelong Sox fan. He enjoys the dulcet tones of Pat Hughes, but Santo drives him nuts. I told him that actually, he wouldn't know this, but that Ron Santo is my grandfather and he would be well served to shut his goddamn mouth.

Oh you should have seen Pubes face! Priceless! Of course I kid with Pubes all the time like that. I told him that part of 'Ronny charm' is that he wears his homer-ism like a badge of honor. This badge being placed right next to the beer he spilled on his shirt. And c'mon Sox fans. Hawk Harrelson? Yeah, that's what I thought.

The Cubs kick off a three game set in Houston this weekend. Friday, Rich Hill takes the Hill versus some guy named Chris Sampson. What, Woody Williams was busy? Oh wait, he retired? Well fuck me in the goat ass. The Astros were pretty much counting on him to get them back to the World Series weren't they? Is that Clemens guy still around?

I digress. And undress. (Cue Baba O'Riley)