Chip's Playoff Picks: AFC Championship

10:59 AM | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan

Regrouping after that bitter defeat I just witnessed, it is now time for the AFC game.

New England Patriots vs. Indianapolis Colts

Well here we are once again as these two teams face off in the postseason. You can play any angle you want but when it comes down to it, this match is really all about one thing:


TOM
BRADY vs. PEYTON MANNING





The numbers above their heads are fitting since Peyton has played second fiddle to Brady when it comes to NFL success. Tom has 3 Super Bowl Rings, Peyton has none. Tom is handsome, Peyton fights with the ugly stick and loses daily. Tom uses VISA, Peyton uses MasterCard. I could go on but let's just get to the game at hand.

The Colts start with the ball and Peyton comes out firing, nailing Dallas Clark, Dominic Rhodes and Reggie Wayne on the drive, eventually finding Wayne for the TD (0-7 Colts).

Brady has no such luck on his first series, as Gary Brackett sacks him on third down, forcing the Pats to punt after 3 and out.

Starting on their own 16, the Colts once again move down the field with ease as Manning seems poised in the pocket and finds Marvin Harrison for two big first down conversions. As their drive continues in the second quarter, Manning once again tosses a TD to Reggie Wayne (0-14 Colts).

Disaster nearly strikes for the Patriots when the kick return is fumbled by Ellis Hobbs. New England manages to recover though.

Seemingly unimpressed with the Colts air attack, Brady launches a perfectly thrown ball deep to Reche Caldwell who takes it in for a 65 yard TD (7-14 Colts). This is shaping up to be a real shootout.

Peyton takes the ball, and once again appears to be marching his troops for another score. He hits Reggie Wayne again who reaches the Patriots 7 yard line.

On the next play Joseph Addai runs it up the gut and fumbles. Patriot safety James Sanders recovers.

With little time on the clock, Brady manages to get his team into field goal range. Stephen Gostkowski nails a 41 yard field goal to end the half (10-14 Colts).

The Patriots get the ball to start the half, and begin to heavily utilize their run game. Laurence Maroney has a couple big gains and even Tom Brady runs for a first down. Brady eventually finds Troy Brown for his second TD pass of the game as his team takes their first lead (17-14 Patriots).

Manning, still in control, once again launches his air attack. He connects for a huge 55 yard TD pass to Dallas Clark, the greatest Iowa TE since Marv Cook, who ironically was on the Patriots roster in Tecmo Super Bowl (17-21 Colts).

New England begins driving again, and just like last time, they're keeping it mainly on the ground as Laurence Maroney is punishing this Colts defense with big gain after big gain. Once in the red zone, Brady finds Reche Caldwell open in the endzone for the score (24-21 Patriots).

It's now the fourth quarter and 8-bit Peyton is starting to show signs of the infamous "Peyton Manning Face". On 3rd and long, Manning overthrows a wide open Reggie Wayne. The Colts are forced to punt.

After a sack from Gary Brackett, things are looking up for the Colts as the Patriots are facing a possible 3 and out. Brady drops back, can't find anyone open, and finally dumps off to Corey Dillon who manages to barely get the first down. A downtrodden 8-bit Peyton is sulking on the sideline.

The Patriots continue their drive as they get into Colts territory. Then a sack by Robert Mathis sets them back to 3rd and 17. The Pats fail to convert, which leads to an amazing 57 yard field goal from Stephen Gostkowski. 8-bit Belichick, in his cropped-sleeve pink hooded sweatshirt is heard muttering "Who needs Vinatieri now, bitch?" (27-21 Patriots).

Still plenty of time on the clock, the Colts get the ball on the 20. Peyton is ready to lead his team to victory. Finally he'll be the one who makes the miraculous comeback. He'll be the one that gets to the Super Bowl. He'll be the one that gets to host SNL.

First play, Peyton drops back, throws, and it's picked off by Artrell Hawkins! The crowd is stunned, and the Peyton Manning Face is officially in full effect.

With great field position, Brady has no problem connecting with Troy Brown who scores to essentially put this game out of reach (34-21 Patriots).

With time winding down and the Colts' chances quickly fading, Peyton begins to drive again, getting down to the 50 on a pass to Harrison. On the next play Dominic Rhodes catches a screen pass but gets stripped of the ball. James Sanders recovers his second fumble of the game. The Patriots will run the clock out and win their 4th AFC title in 6 years.

Player of the game goes to Tom Brady, who didn't have the greatest stats, but managed to make plays when it mattered.

A couple things of note. The TMSSS2000 predicted both road teams to win this week. Apparently this hasn't happened in real life in like 11 years.

Also how frickin' eerie is it that it simulated a complete Peyton meltdown? The guy was golden for the first three quarters and then in the 4th, he couldn't tell his receivers apart from his own asshole.

And one final note, I want to send my condolences to Jason from Goatriders who will surely be disappointed with this outcome. Hopefully the TMSSS2000 is wrong. I'm pulling for a Bears-Colts Super Bowl so I'm not real pleased with these results either.


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