Damn You Tony!!!!!!!

It was my chance to shine......Heart was in my throat....Down by 1.......1:19 on the clock.....

After winning a Super Bowl with the Buccaneers in '03, my life fell to shambles. I was cut from the Bucs in '04 after missing 5 consecutive field goals in a 2 game stretch including 2 possible game winners. I toiled in obscurity until the beginning of this year when the Patriots took a chance and invited me to camp only to cut me as camp expired. I was ready to hang up my cleats and retire to Paraguay to grow cocaine and play soccer. Then Jerry Jones called. He wanted me to join the Cowboys who were a legitimate playoff contender. Yahtzee!!! I had the game winning kick against the Giants and Coach Parcells wanted to bed me. Jerry Jones gave me head in the locker room. All was good in my life.

Even after losing games and making it into the playoffs by a thread, I was confident that I would have a chance yet again to be a Super Bowl Champion. Then there was our 1st round game at Seattle. First Quarter, I kick a 50 yard field goal to tie the score at 3-3. I could already envision myself in the next Chunky soup commercial. Third quarter, I kick yet another field goal this time of the 39 yard variety. Stuart Scott's voice was ringing in my head "Boo-Ya, kid's clutch when the games on the line" I could even see that one eye of his dancing all over my TV. Then after a bizarre series of events, there it was.....

Ball on the 2......snap was good.....my steps were on.....

Then Tony Homo drops the ball. I am forced to block (of all things) and Homo scrambles back to the line of scrimmage and Qwest Field erupts. The rest of the clock melts away and I, the great Martin Gramatica was left on the sideline to wait yet another day to be a hero. I may not be back in the league next year. The pundits will blame me for what happened. Not Tony the Golden Boy. He dates Carrie Underwood. I date the Undertaker. He's America's boy. I'm America's jack-ass.

I openly hope that Tony is released by the Cowboys and ends up in NFL Europe where he catches diphtheria and poops a lot. Then he will know how it feels to be screwed in the behind when all of the money is on the line.

Comments