Commenting on the Commentary: Boise St. Vs. Oklahoma

January 03, 2007 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

It was a finale that was so jaw dropping, thrilling and inspirational that I can already hear Disney scrambling to buy the movie rights (Cuba Gooding Jr. as Ian Johnson!). A once in a lifetime pants-shitter. And I, along with most of America, missed it. Having been ravaged by subpar football throughout most of the weekend (Rose Bowl, the bottoming out of Rex Grossman), nothing led me to believe that the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl would be any different. I mean, hell, the game was on Fox. I didn't even know they carried college football. So I popped in Season 2 of The Office and went about my merry way. Life was good again. (*On a quite aside, let it be said that the 'deleted scenes' on The Office are possibly the only deleted scenes in the history of DVDs that are actually worth watching. It's like an extra five minutes of funny. But that's neither here nor there.)

So this morning, sitting in front of the computer, as I sipped my hot cup of joe in my Thunder Matt boxers, I stumble upon this 'miracle game' on Are there video highlights to go with the story? Hell no. I could navigate my way through a sea of meaningless and unsatisfying Rose Bowl 'highlights', but the only one of this much ballyhooed Fiesta Bowl was of the press conference afterwards. What the shit? C'mon espen.

So I go over to and immediately find what I'm looking for. Glorious. The kind of stuff that sends a shiver up your spine. The hook and ladder play. Then the two plays in overtime: The fourth down TD thrown by a receiver followed by the fabulous Statue of Liberty two-point conversion. I think Boise State linebacker Josh Bean said it best, when about the playcalling he said, "Who does that? That was the most gangster thing ever."

But I'm not here to talk about the game (since I didn't see it, per se). I'm stuck giving you a quick 'Highlight Commentary Highlights'. Highlights made special by the fact that there were no talking heads (that's you Stuart Scott. Boo Yaa, Crazy Eyes!). Nope. Instead the dulcet and soothing sounds of play by play man Thom Brenneman beckoned to me from the speakers. Like and old friend that got lost in the woods, unseen for years. You assume he's dead, but no, he comes back into your life at your lowest point and makes life worth living again. You ask him how he got out of the woods and he winks, putting his finger to his lip and whispering 'Shhh.' He takes you out for a drink. He reads you a passage from 'Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul'. He gives you a backrub. Thats right. Thom Brenneman.

First watch the fourth quarter and overtime highlights (Quarters 1-3 are inconsequential). Thom is an obvious homer for Boise State, and the excitement in his voice every time the Broncos score is upstaged only by the fatherly disappointment he expresses when the Sooners strike back. I love it! Among the best is, "THE LATERAL! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!". Then comes the comically depressed call when Oklahoma scores on the first play of overtime. The sound in his voice is a the sound of a man who is crafting his letter of resignation. But then Boise State scores on the two most ri-cock-ulous plays in modern sports (Pee Wee League Coaches across the country are furiously scribbling that one down). Tom comes alive. Sportcoat off, his tie loosened, hair disheveled, doing back-to-back shots of tequila. Five minutes later he's wearing a sombrero and text messaging salacious messages to Chris Meyers and the Boise State mascot.

Speaking of Chris Meyers, the best commentary is yet to come. After the game, Ian Johnson decides to propose to his longtime girlfriend. Click on the 'Recap and a Proposal' link and then fast forward to the 3:40 mark. Chris Meyers interviewing star running back Ian Johnson who just won the game. Then, out of nowhere, Chris Meyers goes, 'Well I know you're going to propose to your girlfriend, congratulations.' The shock on Ian's girlfriends face is priceless. But fucking Chris Meyers totally wrecked it. Ian makes a brilliant recover (is there anything he can't do?) and drops to a knee and pops the question, but at that point it's a bit anti-climatic. Couldn't Meyers have just said, 'Now I know you have something you wanted to say to your girlfriend..' or something to that effect? But no, like a grade A douche, he lets the cat out the bag and steals Ian's thunder. I would have probably put Meyers in a headlock and/or punched him in the face, but that is because I have my own anger issues I need to work out.

When Ian does drop to one knee Meyers is like, 'Oh, hold up, he's actually going to do this.' Well what the fuck did you think he was going to do? Ian obviously told either Chris or the producers his intentions, and made the point to have his girlfriend stand right next to him. Did Meyers think Ian was just fucking with him and wasn't going to do it? Chris Meyers, wreck your life!

One last thing, and I'm just gonna throw this out there. This site needs a theme song. No, not a into that plays incessantly every time you access the site. Those types of things have been passe since about 97' (Geocities?) and wreck your life more than Chris Meyers. Instead, I'm talking about something that you can click on, and enjoy at your own leisure. Tap your foot to it, sing along if you wish while you get your daily chuckle and mutter, 'People actually read this shit?' And to answer that last question, no. No they don't.

"No,'s pronounced T-O-M. The 'h' is silent. How are you? Do you mind me asking, how old are you? Oh, ok. Good."