Poor Man's War Criminal: Bill Belichick's Sweatshirt

January 08, 2007 | Comments (1) | by Chaim Witz

You make millions of dollars every year. You've coached your team to three Super Bowl victories. You've been dubbed a 'genius' by sportswriters and pundits everywhere.

So take off that fucking sweatshirt.

I suppose your line of thinking is, 'I've won 3 Super Bowl's, so I've earned the right to wear whatever I damn well please.'

Well Billy Boy, you look like a jackass and you are disgracing your legacy. You think people outside of the ESPN/Massachusetts bubble are going to remember you for your Super Bowl victories? No. Hell, I had to Google how many Super Bowls you had won, because I couldn't remember if it was two or three. But what is etched, nay burned, into my mind is your slovenly wardrobe. No excuse. Just unacceptable by all accounts.

Take a cue from your contemporaries. When I saw Jack Del Rio roaming the sideline in a suit, I'll tell you what I did. Listen up Bill. Goddammit, I stood up in my living room and started clapping. Slowly at first. Then progressively faster, adding a few 'Hell Yeahs' and fist pumps for good measure. A bona fide one man standing ovation. He looked like a real man who was proud of his job. Not some hobo who slept on the El Train all night and awoke in the morning with pissed pants and breath reeking of danger.

Last nights game against your former lover Eric Mangini was a new low. You not only wore your customary gray sweatshirt (do you not at least own another color to rotate in?), but you cut off the sleeves! Hayseus Christ! What is that, a fleece poncho? It's like one of those lame potato-sack, multi-colored ponchos you bought in Mexico back in Spring Break 91'.

Well, if anything Bill, your slovenly appearance and surly demeanor have made me want to be a better person. I will start working out. I will update my wardrobe. I will smile more. And for the love of all that is sacred, I will keep the sleeves on my hoodies intact.

Bill, you are an inspiration to us all. I hope they bury you in that outfit.


J.K.VC. @ 8:12 PM, October 24, 2011

When you win 3 super bowls you can judge what NFL head coaches wear. Belichick has three championship rings.... I do not beleive that Del Rio has any championships wearing his suit