Brant's Rant

July 10, 2008 | Comments (0) | by T.R.

The Harden Trade: What's that, you say that the Cubs might be led to the promise land by Harden, but he might alternately spend the second half on the DL? Oh my goodness, such Earth-shatter prognostications! Naturally every columnist, beat writer, talking head on Baseball Tonight, and sports radio host has felt the need in the last 36 hours to take a position on this trade. We all know the risk and the potential reward the Cubs have at hand. Colin Cowherd, I don't care how much you want to stroke Billy Beane's ego (possibly cock) and hang out with him in his beachside cabana, sitting in the jacuzzi sipping on strawberry daiquiris, discussing Daric Barton's ass and Ryan Sweeney's OPS. I'm sorry, what? Wrong Billy? Sorry, so sorry.

Listen, there was no room in Wrigley Field for Murton (God bless his soul) or Josh Donaldson for quite literally the next five years. Eric Patterson? Possibly in the next two years, but his chances as a Cub were, like it or not, damaged by our experiences with his brother. Ask LaTroy Hawkins and Jacques Jones how well it goes over when you lose the favor of the Cub faithful. Good luck to Patterson. Gallagher is the only piece that would have played a significant role in the near future for the Cubs. Well, Gaudin takes his place, plus we get a potentially fantastic number two starter for the pennant run. It's a win-win all the way around. Billy Beane is a brilliant GM, but he and Hendry were both doing what was in the best interest of their teams. Sure, Beane has a great track record for dealing his players away at just the right time, but this is the year that the Cubs need to take this chance.

Brett Favre: "OMG I mite want 2 play nxt year pass it on" The only people interested in this elaborate circle jerk are the poor souls living in the remote expanses of Wisconsin. Yes, yes, yes, he has been a fantastic quarterback. But he retired. I know, Jordan came back, Sandberg came back, but Favre is seriously toying with an entire franchise in a much more detrimental manner. They need to move past Favre and quit playing this game of peek-a-boo each offseason. Aaron Rodgers needs real game experience. End on a good note Brett. Go ride your lawnmower into the sunset like a real man and quit text messaging like a fourteen year old girl. You have a reputation to uphold.

The Decline of the Neck Tie: I've grown to pity those not required to don this most prestigious piece of men's apparel. Ties are not only for salesmen and waiters. They allow the wearer to exhibit importance and professionalism; to take pride in a job, even if said job may be monotonous or a temporary career stopgap. Contrary to popular belief, the neck tie is neither uncomfortable nor restricting, especially if you spend the majority of the day in front of a computer. If my grandpa had to wear it, and my father had to wear it, then goddamnit, I'm going to wear it. How can you take someone seriously when they're just wearing Dockers and polo shirt? Those half-men do not command respect. The tie bearer does.

Pour me a glass of scotch.