Celebrity NFL Picks Week 2 with Bono

September 11, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Governor X

The 2008 NFL season is finally upon us and in the tradition of the Wrigley 7th inning stretch, TMS will periodically bring in B-list celebrities none of you have heard of to provide NFL picks. Last week Huell Howser went 9-7. Thats not going to cut it. For week 2, I called in Bono. Now he doesn't fit the mold of "B-list celebrity you've never heard of" but he's always looking for a platform to preach from so he agreed to pitch in.

HELLO HELLO...HOLA. As you know I'm a man of few words, so lets go right to the picks.

Tennessee at Cincinnati
I'm dedicating my next performance of "With or Without You" to Vince Young. Please don't do anything rash young man. You have your whole life ahead of you.

Pick: Titans 15 Bengals 6

Buffalo at Jacksonville
I've called on the President to cancel Jacksonville's debt. What? Florida isn't a 3rd world nation? You could have fooled me.

Pick: Bills 24 Jags 9

Oakland at Kansas City
The Raiders didn't show up last week and I don't expect them to this week. How many losses will they have this year? Uno, dos, tres? CATORCE!

Pick: Chiefs win by forfeit

Indianapolis at Minnesota
Peyton Manning is a douche.

Pick: Colts 31 Vikings 17

Chicago at Carolina
When the Panthers scored that last second touchdown last week part of me died. That hasn't happened since I wrote the 2nd half of "All That You Can't Leave Behind".

Pick: Panthers 14 Bears 4

Green Bay at Detroit
The Packers' first new QB since I had a mullet looked OK last week. The Lions are clearly just mailing it in, like I did when I wrote the 2nd half of "All That You Can't Leave Behind". Seriously, if you listen past track 5, I clearly wasn't trying anymore.

Pick: Packers 31 Lions 20

NY Giants at St. Louis
The Rams are so bad they've already lost this game. The hardest thing for them is going to be making it look spontaeneous.

Pick: Giants 30 Rams 3

New Orleans at Washington
I think it may be time for the Redskins to go away and dream it all up again.

Pick: New Orleans 41 Redskins 17

Atlanta at Tampa Bay
This game is a heavy mother.

Pick: Falcons 28 Bucs 13

San Francisco at Seattle
I've had enough of Seahawks fans who haven't paid attention to their team in two or three years come up to me and talk about the glory of the Seahawks, and the glory of dying for the Seahawks. FUCK THE SEAHAWKS!

Pick: Seahawks 38 49ers 10

New England at NY Jets
The loss of Tom Brady is one of the great tragedies of all time. Move over Julius Caesar and Oedipus, Brady is the new king.

Pick: Jets 20 Pats 14

San Diego at Denver
Before I remembered they were playing the Raiders, the success of the Broncos on Monday night was more confusing than the fact that you were disappointed with POP. That was a brilliant CD and it wasn't fully appreciated. The Broncos? Not for real. Like Edge's beard.

Pick: Chargers 27 Broncos 20

Miami at Arizona
If Arizona can finally put together a winning season, AIDS can be cured. The ONE campaign is focused on both. If you look at the Cardinals' schedule, its possible.

Pick: Arizona 23 Miami 10

Baltimore at Houston
I thought the Oilers moved? We don't always get the most up to date NFL news in Ireland.

Pick: Ravens 12 Oilers 0

Pittsburgh at Cleveland
Snooze vs bore. I'm tired of this.

Pick: Steelers 28 Browns 13

Philadelphia at Dallas
Every Eagle is a canibal, every Cowboy is a thief. I'm outta here.

Pick: Cowboys 34 Eagles 21

Thanks for your time Bono. It was enlightening.