Bears Trade for Jay Cutler, And Not the Mr. Olympia One

April 02, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Chaim Witz

The Chicago Bears just pulled off a huge coup, shocking everyone (including Jesus) by trading for Jay Cutler. Not the weightlifting champ pictured above, but the perpetually sad quarterback with diabetes. Besides being sad and short on insulin, he's also very talented.

I did not see this coming. I mean, really, who ever expects the Bears to be involved with anything exciting, games included? This is huge. Bring back Ditka (if for nothing else than to get him off the air) and then they're really cooking with gas. Talk amongst yourselves.

Update: Now it appears the Bears have also signed Orlando Pace. No, not the heir to salsa throne, but the mildly obese, aging left tackle who still happens to be really good. The Apocalypse appears to be upon us.