TMS MLB Preview 2009: Iron Maiden

I prefer the powder blue road jerseys.2008 Season: Did not play the game of baseball

SO LONG: Paul Day (V), Dennis Wilcock (V), Dave Sullivan (G), Terry Rance (G), Bob Sawyer (G), Tony Moore (K), Terry Wapram (G), Barry Purkis (D), Doug Samson (D), Paul Di'Anno (V), Paul Cairns (G), Dennis Stratton (G), Clive Burr (D), Blaze Bayley (V)

WELCOME: Nicko McBrain (D, P), Janick Gers (G, BV), Michael Kenney (K-live only)

WELCOME BACK: Bruce Dickinson (V), Adrian Smith (G, BV)

NEVER LEFT: Steve Harris (B, BV, K-In studio), Dave Murray (G)

PROJECTED LINEUP
1. Eddie the Head (M)
2. Dave Murray (G)
3. Bruce Dickinson (V)
4. Nicko McBrain (D, P)
5. Steve Harris (B, BV, K-In studio)
6. Adrian Smith (G)
7. Janick Gers (G, BV)
8. "You, the Maiden fans! SCREAM FOR ME, LONG BEACH!" (A)
9. Michael Kenney (K-Live)

If they ever traded him, the fans would be devastated.Starting: Probably some lesser act on the revival circuit, like Helloween, or some upstarts like DragonForce
Setup: About 6-7 hours, give or take local load-in times
Closer: Giant robotic Eddie breathes fire during "Running Free"

Well, Maiden has always done what it could to shock and impress fans, and their insistance that they can conquer Major League Baseball as easily as they conquered the New Wave of British Heavy Metal is nothing if not consistent with their storied career.

However, can this aging team of veterans (average age: 53) really take the world of baseball by storm? Sure, Eddie and Dave Murray provide both speed and evil at the top of the lineup, and the 3-4-5 punch of Dickinson, McBain, and Harris provides finesse, power, and sound fundamentals respectively. But one wonders if they will be able to translate their dominance of metal and hard rock into the dominance of a division, or even parlay that into a Wild Card berth.

As usual, the back of the order is a question mark. Adrian Smith is dependable when he's healthy, but will Janick Gers and Michael Kenney be around at the All-Star break? And will the #8 hitting Maiden Fans be able to "Up the Irons," or will their boss at the Body Shop refuse to let them take off work because he's "Understaffed."

Sure, these doubts plague all teams, but I think it's a safe bet that, given that no member of Iron Maiden has ever even picked up a baseball, that this is not to be their year. Like all expansion teams, they are doomed to mediocrity. However, I am confident in saying that they will finish ahead of the Washington Nationals.

PREASEASON AWARDS Ugh. Just...Ugh.
Mr. Sexy Time: Well, there's nothing much sexy about these yobs. But Eddie the Head is still badassed after all these years. So, there you go.

"Keyboards? Really?" Award: Michael Kenney. In a band with THREE guitarists, it's no doubt he doubles as a band technician. I'd be surprised to learn he isn't their "Beer Bitch."

Ugliest Guy in an Ugly, Ugly Band Award: Nicko McBain. Ugh.

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