The Cubs Need A Slumpbuster

June 17, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Arcturus

Things are getting dire on the Northside. Can anyone on this fucking team hit with any consistency? To quote Chaim Witz: "Every time Fontenot, Bradley or Soto show signs of breaking out of their season long slumps they follow it up with a couple of soul crushing turds." Well put, sir.

The time has come. Someone on the Cubs needs to man up and solve the problem as Cubs of Yore, chiefly Mark Grace, solved them. Someone must be sacrificed for the good of the team and for us, the fans. Someone needs to take all the woes besetting this team and in one glorious unselfish act, remove the stain of ineptitude that has besmirched the 2009 Cubs.

The Cubs need a Slumpbuster. And not just any Slumpbuster, but the Slumpbuster to end all Slumpbusters. We need to find the Ultimate Slumpbuster and choose the sad sack in blue to martyr themselves for the sake of his teammates.

So, who is it, Cub Nation? Who's got the slumpbusting cred to knock this team of lightweights off the schnide? (No rules-dead or alive). Which Cub should have to take one for the team?