Twitter: The Internets Evil Plan To Destroy The World

June 26, 2009 | Comments (0) | by Zachary Kenitzer

Twitter may have started as a small innocent way for internet dorks and their friends to communicate via 140 character instant update feeds, but now it has turned into an evil menace intent on raping and destroying the world. It gives everyone the ability (but not license) to be expert on any topic and feeds into the notion that most people actually care what you think about.

This has not become truer for people that follow celebrities. TV shows make fodder out of what Paris Hilton thinks about the newest purse sitting in that hot little trendy boutique. Frankly, I don't care what she thinks, but I'm sure some prosti-tot thirteen year old does.

Twitter: That's Hot

To make it even better there are a host of people that pretend to be famous by living the secret lives of faux-celebrities, pretending to like the same things and say the same things in what really amounts to a (pathetic) attempt to gain "followers" or people that actually care about what you think. So when you follow a "Tweeter" you may actually be following your smelly aunt who has an abundance of cats and has been lonely her whole life, or even this guy:

1337 h4x0rs 4 7wi773r : i iz p@riz hi1t0n

My utter hatred of Twitter has prompted me to follow the worst and best “Tweeters” for a week, reporting back to TMS from the field. This actually might be the equivalent to sending a reporter to a war zone (or just the worthless intern to the coffee machine protected by bears... rumor has it we're expendable) To prepare I've been training reading status updates on almost as evil Facebook and for the experiment I will be taking food, water, clothes and a gun (nothing too fancy, just a simple .50 caliber machine gun) which I intend to sleep with. I’m preparing for the worst and might come back with PTSD.

Starting Monday I will be posting short "mini-posts" to chronicle the efforts of the Internets finest to actually make people care about what they think.

Surrounded By Communists to Twitter: Bring it...