ThunderSim 2008: NFC Divisional Playoffs

January 11, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Jake the Terrible Cubs Fan

Alright so how did ThunderSim do last week? 3-1 picking the winners, 2-2 against the spreads. Not bad, not bad at all. Let's see how it does with this week's games.

Spread: Green Bay -7.5

Welcome to sunny 8-bit Lambeau Field for today's game. You can't really tell but I programmed the crowd to look fatter since we're in Wisconsin.

Brett Favre is old enough you'd think he was on the original Tecmo Super Bowl. Alas, not quite. The Pack instead had the indispensable duo of Don Majkowksi and Anthony Dilweg.

Green Bay wins the toss and returns the ball to the 40. Brett Favre wastes no time and throws it deep to an open Donald Driver. Driver takes it down to the 6. Ryan Grant scores on a screen from Favre on the next play. 7-0 Green Bay.

Seattle returns the kickoff at the 24. The Seahawk drive starts off with Aaron Kampman planting Matt Hasselbeck in the ground about 9 yards behind the line of scrimmage. Seattle goes 3 and out. Green Bay gets the ball on their own 21.

Green Bay goes 3 and out as well. Lame.

Seattle gets the ball back on the ensuing punt on their 18 yard line. Shaun Alexander busts out for a 17 yard run. On the next play Hasselbeck throws a pick to Charles Woodson right before the clock runs out.

Ryan Grant kicks off the second quarter with a 38 yard run down to the 2 yard line. On the next play Favre scrambles around to find an open receiver before calling his own number and diving in for the TD. 14-0 Green Bay.

The Seattle offense continues to flounder and yet again goes 3 and out. Green Bay gets the ball at their own 10 yard line.

After a couple huge gains from Ryan Grant, the Packers score again on a 25 yard TD by Favre to Driver. 21-0 Green Bay. This is getting ugly pretty quickly.

With what little time is left in the half, Seattle half asses a drive which ends with Josh Brown missing a 52 yard field goal as time expires.

Seattle starts the half with the ball on their 18 yard line. Alexander breaks off a couple big runs and the Seahawks are finally showing some life. Hasselbeck connects to Bobby Engram who gets down to the 3 yard line. After a couple failed goal line runs, Maurice Morris finally punches it through for the TD. 21-7 Green Bay.

The Packers immediately go 3 and out and Seattle attempts to ride the momentum. The drive looks to stall out right away as Kampman sacks Hasselbeck again to force a 3rd and 21 situation. Hasselbeck gets the first down however, finding Deion Branch just beyond the marker.

The most ridiculous play then occurs. Matt Hasselbeck scrambles in the pocket, decides to run and proceeds to take it like 40 yards downfield. Chaim has a better chance of growing a Magnum P.I. mustache than this play ever really happening. Sorry ThunderSim, I call shenanigans on that one. The third quarter ends as the Seattle drive continues.

As the fourth quarter begins, Hasselbeck finds Engram for the TD. 21-14 Green Bay. This may be a game after all.

Green Bay gets the ball in nice field position as they return it to the Seattle 43. After a failed run, and a sack by Kevin Bentley, Green Bay is facing a 3rd and long and a possible game-changing punt. Favre manages to work some of his magic and throws a rope to a diving Donald Driver. First down.

The Packers begin to roll and Favre eventually finds TE Donald Lee for the TD. 28-14 Green Bay.

Literally unfazed, Hasselbeck finds Bobby Engram deep who then takes it down to the Packers 30. The ground game drives them into the red zone and Deion Branch scores the TD on a Hasselbeck pass. 28-21 Green Bay.

With little time left the Seahawks go for the onside but fail miserably as Green Bay gets the ball and takes it to the Seattle 34. Favre throws a short pass to Driver, who breaks off a defender and runs it all the way to the 1 yard line. Favre drives the final nail in the coffin with another TD run. 35-21 Green Bay.

With one last chance, Seattle putzes around until the clock runs out.

Player of the game goes to Donald Driver who came up with a couple big time catches to keep the Packers ahead.

ThunderSim's pick: Green Bay -7.5


Spread: Dallas -7.5

Wow, so Eli beats Tampa Bay and suddenly he's the great clutch QB? So the press seems to think. Still looks like the same retarded kid I've always known.

Giants win the toss and start with the ball first. Nothing interesting happens and they punt. Dallas manages to reach the Giants 40 before settling for a 57 yard field goal from Nick Folk. 3-0 Dallas.

As the second quarter begins, the Giants are in the middle of a good drive before stalling out on the Dallas 33. Lawrence Tynes misses the field goal and the Cowboys get the ball back.

After a big run from Julius Jones, Romo connects with Terrell Owens in the endzone for a TD. 10-0 Dallas.

Sadly nothing else of importance happens in the first half. Let's check out the halftime festivities.

That's actually the Sklar Brothers in drag.

The world reknown all flute band, Locomotive Breath played. Filling in for Beecake who canceled at the last second.

Also making an appearance, the Ron Paul blimp.

Back to the game. Dallas drives downfield before Nick Folk hits a 49 yard field goal on fourth down. 13-0 Dallas.

As you can tell, this game bored the living shit out of me so I'm sparing you the mundane details of what transpired. Moving on to the fourth quarter. Mongoloid Manning eventually figures out how to throw a good pass and finds Kevin Boss in the endzone for the TD. 13-7 Dallas.

So this is looking like it could be a game finally right? Wrong. The Cowboys offense picks apart the Giants D and marches right down field and ends the drive with a TD pass to Patrick Crayton who upon scoring shouts, "I just drank your milkshake!" Indeed. 20-7 Dallas.

The Giants are then rendered as useless as the retard they have behind center. The game ends. Gameball goes to me for enduring that shitstorm of a game instead of actually doing real work.

ThunderSim's Pick: Dallas -7.5

AFC picks tomorrow. Probably in a mailed in version yet again.