Celebrity NFL Picks with William Shatner

November 13, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Governor X

Since the readers demanded it, Celebrity NFL picks have made the move from TMS to Pomp Culture. I'd rather be working on my upcoming piece on how I really want a Boston accent, but c'est la vie. Our celebrities (and me as a fill in last week) come into this week with a 90-54 record. How does that stack up? Well, its right in the middle of ESPN's so called experts. This confirms what I've always suspected: Ron Jaworski sucks. This week I had to dip all the way down to the bottom of the barrel and selected William Shatner.

Thank you. I had a break from doing Priceline.com commercials, where you can name your own price on hotels, and took up my good friend's invite to pick NFL games.

New York Jets at New England
The Jets haven't been this good since TJ Hooker was on the air. Do you remember that? Of course not. Damned kids...

Pick: Pats 27 Jets 24

Denver at Atlanta
I enjoy Falcons. The birds. I also derive a great deal of pleasure from horses and dogs... the ocean... and love.

Pick: Falcons 33 Broncos 28

Houston at Indianapolis
Peyton Manning is a douche.

Pick: Colts 26 Texans 14

Oakland at Miami
Wayne Huizenga is selling the Dolphins. Look for them on Priceline.com and name your own price.

Pick: Dolphins 21 Raiders 9

Baltimore at New York Giants
Eli Manning once told me he was a fan. I chose to listen locked on what he was saying, and when he said to me, `Can I tell you what I love about you?' I chose to be very emotional and said, `Tell me' as though I were in love with him. And as I was doing this, I recognized the possibility of people mistaking that for homosexual love, as against somebody interested in the generic word love and not carrying an idea of sexuality.

Pick: Giants 38 Ravens 20

Detroit at Carolina
This matchup is gayer than George Takei's wedding.

Pick: Panthers 20 Lions 0

Philadelphia at Cincinnati
Bengals fans are a large conglomerate of people. They're a heterogeneous group of people. Except in one regard. They're all losers.

Pick: Eagles 40 Bengals 14

Chicago at Green Bay
I'm pretty torn over Brett Favre leaving Green Bay. You just don't know what... ... KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

Pick: Bears 34 Packers 24

New Orleans at Kansas City
You'd have to be...high...as a kite to watch this game.

Pick: Saints 33 Chiefs 20

Minnesota at Tampa Bay
I've never trusted vikings...and I never will. I've never been able to forgive them...for the death of my boy.

Pick: Bucs 28 Vikings 10

St. Louis at San Francisco
Little known fact: Mike Singletary plays the tambourine. Tambourine? MR. TAMBOURINE MAN!!!!!!

Pick: 49ers 24 Rams 17

Arizona at Seattle
Some advice to Kurt Warner: Remember - you can't beam through a force field. So, don't try it.

Pick: Cardinals 38 Seahawks 28

Tennessee at Jacksonville
I'd like to play paintball with Vince Young. You just don't know what that crazy bastard would do!

Pick: Titans 24 Jags 7

San Diego at Pittsburgh
Since this is now Pomp Culture, here's something pompous - you take your day and artistically create it, so every moment has an artistic flavor. What? The game?

Pick: Steelers 15 Chargers 14

Dallas at Washington
Redskins is a racist term. I'm offended. I must now weep.

Pick: Cowboys 28 Redskins 21

Cleveland at Buffalo
This game is going to suck worse than Star Trek V.

Pick: Bills 17 Browns 3