E-Claire's Kollege Kegger

November 03, 2008 | Comments (0) | by ,

Crack open a beer...Because college football season is officially underway! So each week, I will (attempt) to recap the best - and the worst - games for you in quick and easy fashion...Much like your girlfriend at a frat party...Zing!

Since this will be the final Kegger on TMS, I've decided to do something special by bringing back the haikus. I know what you're thinking..."E-Claire! You've done haikus before - this isn't special...This is bullshit!" But the "special" part is that in each haiku, I've included a very subtle farewell message to TMS. Exciting, right? Whatever. Onto the games...

Premium games on tap...

No. 6 Texas Tech def. No. 1 Texas 39-33:
McCoy tried his best
But the comeback came up short
Farewell, TMS

No. 22 Michigan State def. Wisconsin 25-24
Spartans get the win
With late fourth quarter field goal
So long, TMS

No. 14 Missouri def. Baylor 31-28:
Baylor had a chance
But their QB was picked off
Goodbye, TMS

No. 17 BYU def. Colorado State 45-42:
BYU scored late
To complete their comeback win
Peace out, TMS

Cincinnati def. No. 24 South Florida 24-10:
Cincy's QB Pike
Played wearing a cast and won
Later, TMS

Games that resembled the foam at the end of a keg of Natty Light:

No. 4 Oklahoma def. Nebraska 62-28:
Oklahoma scored
Thirty-five in first quarter
Bye Bye, TMS

No. 5 Florida def. No. 8 Georgia 49-10:

In this football game
Tebow made Georgia his bitch
See ya, TMS

TMS Alma Mater roundup (schools attended by TMS bartenders highlighted in green):

Purdue def. Michigan 48-42:
Purdue won this one
With some late game trickery
Michigan is bad
(I know I'm doing the whole subtle goodbye thing, but I had to say something about Michigan. They're not gonna go to a bowl game for the first time in 33 years...And this is their first losing season since the late 60's...Damn.)

Northern Iowa def. Western Illinois 30-6:
UNI gets win
With help from freshman QB
Laterz, TMS

LaGrange College def. Euerka College 63-19:
Eureka gets owned
And no one's really surprised
Toodles, TMS (I'm really reaching here)

Wyoming def. San Diego State 35-10:
State loses again
This is getting ludicrous
Adieu, TMS

North Central College def. Illinois Wesleyan University 30-7:
Seven turnovers
Doomed the Titans to a loss
Ciao to TMS

Georgia Tech def. No. 16 Florida State 31-28:
The Noles had a chance
To win but fumbled the ball
Ta-ta, TMS

Illinois def. Iowa 27-24:
Iowa loses
Due to a late game field goal
Godspeed, TMS

Penn State,
UCLA - DNP this week