Celebrity NFL Picks with Sir Charles Barkley O.B.E.

October 30, 2008 | Comments (0) | by Governor X

We're storming through the NFL season like a tornado through a trailer park (thank you Dan Rather) and our celebs seem to be getting better. This was to be expected. Sometimes the NFL doesn't work out the way you think it will. Who would have thought Tennessee would be the best team in the league? President Bush came in at 9-5 last week bringing our celebrities to 69-47 on the year. Next week, to wrap up TMS' picks before we move over to Pomp Culture, we've arranged a very special guest, but for now, I'd like to hand things over to Sir Charles:

I really didn't want to do this, but the Governor offered me a bribe. I can be bought. If they paid me enough, I'd work for the Klan.

Arizona at St. Louis
Kurt Warner is in the business of kicking butt and business is very, very good.

Pick: Cardinals 44 Rams 28

NY Jets at Buffalo
Brett Favre is old. I could beat him in a race though. I know I'm a fat, old has-been, but there's no way an old man of 67 can outrun me. It's impossible!

Pick: Jets 27 Bills 24

Jacksonville at Cincinnati
Marvin Lewis must have pictures of his boss's wife having sex with a monkey.

Pick: Jags 35 Bengals 14

Baltimore at Cleveland
I heard Derek Anderson is calling himself the Charles Barkley of football. I was going to sue him for defamation of character, but then I realized I have no character.

Pick: Ravens 20 Browns 6

Houston at Minnesota
Ernie Johnson once asked me if they recognized me in Minnesota. Yes, they did. It was easy because I was the only black person there. When they see me walking down the street they say 'There he goes again'. And when I come back the next year they say 'He's back dontcha know!

Pick: Texans 22 Vikings 17

Detroit at Chicago
They say Kyle Orton works hard. If you go out with a girl and they say she has a great personality, she's ugly. If they tell you a guy works hard, he can't play a lick. Same thing.

Pick: Bears 29 Lions 3

Tampa Bay at Kansas City
Today is Jimmy Hatter's birthday -- he's the gay guy we got workin' behind the scenes, y'all. We hire them all at TNT. We do not discriminate. We hired the pimp last year, Craig Sager, and now we got Jimmy Hatter. We got all the ethnic groups covered. What does this have to do with the Bucs game? I'll give you one guess.

Pick: Bucs 14 Chiefs 0

Green Bay at Tennessee
How is Tennessee this good? Its called defense, I mean I wouldn't know anything about it personally but I've heard about it through the grapevine.

Pick: Titans 24 Packers 10

Miami at Denver
Jay Cutler believes in himself. You got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best-looking guy in the world and I might be right.

Pick: Broncos 38 Dolphins 35

Dallas at NY Giants
Brad Johnson didn't look good last week. He's got to bring something stronger than that. That's like bringing milk to a bar, it's not strong enough.

Pick: Giants 28 Cowboys 10

Philadelphia at Seattle
I miss Philadelphia. I miss the crime and murder. There hasn't been a brutal stabbing or anything here the last 24 hours. I've missed it.

Pick: Eagles 31 Seahawks 21

Atlanta at Oakland
This game is going to be uglier than my colonoscopy.

Pick: Falcons 16 Raiders 13

New England at Indianapolis
Peyton Manning is a douche.

Pick: Colts 21 Pats 13

Pittsburgh at Washington
Ben Roethlisberger is a good guy, but he's not going to wind up on the cover of GQ anytime soon.

Pick: Steelers 9 Redskins 7